Good heavens.... I am as confused as the bloody weather here I tell you. I am super impressed that SAPS gave every homeowner in our complex a letter requesting a meeting with all of us due to crime. Seems we have some nice stuff that other people want to appropriate. My bicycle was stolen, hence me buying the eBike and now NO ONE has a bike like that so they cant still this shit....And most of my neighbours have been robbed. There were gun shots in the churchyard... NEXT to the complex.. I am not living in the Cape Flats, just a simple complex with normal people. We met with the police last night but they never issued us with weapons of mass destruction. What is wrong here? LOL ok ok good heavens kidding....I recall the time the police came to raid my house due to an anonymous tip off saying its a brothel right, so last night, at the meeting, I asked the police, in front of ALL the neighbours....if they could please curb the crime in the complex as it brought my brothel to an abrupt halt. I said customers stopped coming cos of the break ins to cars......The room gasped and then everyone laughed. The police did say that I may not open a brothel now.. Damn them....
As for my new hair... the long blonde ones... I feel like I belong on RuPauls drag race.. I look proper drag queenish.....wait.. not quite there but getting there. I dont know what happened. The hair is getting less and less and so i need to decide to I really want long hair or do I want to let it just grow. Fuckit... we all know that is not going to happen. That is why I am where I am with my hair right now. Its cos I cant stand it short so had extensions put in. What a mission. Never going to light a cigarette on the gas stove ever again... NEVER EVER.....
Janine is down from Jhb with her boyfriend and Irene is down for a week as well. Seems like its party central at my place for the weekend as it is Janines birthday. Hell yea... Vodka time... and 60 seconds (our version established by Channy)...oh boy... bring on the hayfever... I am so ready. And then of course my lil girl is coming to visit next week or the week thereafter. And its the Rattex Queens birthday then, so ya... another party. And here I have been elected as Chairman of the Home Owners Association in the complex and I am the one that has all the parties. Bless them... I think before I wear the title though I am seriously considering passing it on.... My mouth is too big and I am too loud and I am capable of pissing people off. Ask my ex friend... he knows very well...
Dunno if I mentioned that I read 50 Shades of Grey and the 2 follow ups. Oh my word. LOVED the book now look at all men in a predatory way... sis on me.... I really do need to behave......
Ok this whips and chains bitch is saying toodles for now..... chat to you all soon. Oh and if there are drunk tweets it will be my alter ego *naughty Natalie*. I will however try and hide the phone from her.....
This is all about lifes little journeys. Good and Bad, even happy and sad.
Friday, 20 July 2012
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Debbie does ...: Oh lala going all E on your arses
Debbie does ...: Oh lala going all E on your arses: So, its been a while eh. Gee whizz quite a bit has happened. I know I never spoke about the break in I had. And what fun I had after. Ok...
Oh lala going all E on your arses
So, its been a while eh. Gee whizz quite a bit has happened. I know I never spoke about the break in I had. And what fun I had after. Ok .. so about 2 weeks ago.... maybe 3..... don't shoot me for not having the right timeline for heavens sake, anyhow, some bloody bergie... and I KNOW it was a bergie cos as I moved my vehicle out of the garage, I saw 2 of the bergies and I know they saw my bike as they walked past the garage as I shut it while driving away. I got home from work, pushed the button....the garage opens and the garage looks like its relieved of some of its contents.... Right off the bat I can see my bicycle is gone... I call the cops, phone the insurance get it all sorted. I got paid out for my bicycle so I went and got myself an eBike. Now this is a battery operated bike that has pedals. This allows for you to ride the roads without a licence. OMG I look like a Bat outa Hell... Thanks Meatloaf.. pffffft... Anyway, I feel like a superstar riding my bike... trust me... everyone stares.... Not quite sure if they cant believe what they see.. this big arse and 2 wheels just going by so quietly... (oh not THAT quiet) it rattles a bit... or just that it looks like a fun thing to ride. I see some people standing on the kerb watching and some walking by craning their necks to see me ride my bike.. I know they want it... ooh how they want it... they wanna appropriate it off me again.. Fuck them I say... I got me a motorbike lock for my bicycle... hows that. Now I need to bling the thing out... wait... first paint it pink.. then bling it out... and then of course I simply have to get the Harley Davidson tassles....
On Saturday, I rode the eBike to Channy at Maniacs. At Blouberg Road intersection, 2 big hairy bikers (and I call em hairy cos the fuckers laughed at me),were at the robot, as the robot changed, I flicked my wrist and off the bike went. The one biker SHOUTS to the other one right next to him.... and I think for all of Table View to hear...."check out that ***HELP MY TRAP**** What the hell dude??? You DONT have to use pedal power to get this thing going. Its a mere flick of the wrist to give it vooma.. I GLIDE past in front of them, smile, flip the finger and shout... "its not a Help my trap its an eBike".. and proceed to stop at Battery centre. Oh shit. Did I tell you it was my frist ride. My stop, was an abrupt wobble. Did those hairy fuckers laugh at me and honk their horns.... pffffft..... Anyway, I did not fall or anything... just wobbled a bit... like a kid learning to cycle... so what...anyway as far as I was concerned, there was no dismount there so it was good. Must say... its been awesome riding this bike... Its my mode of transport from now on....
Anyway on Saturday night... I was suppose to go to a braai at Dawns place. I cancelled as I was not looking that hot. My eye was a bit faulty and one never goes out unless one looks sexy right. As I was watching telly, I saw a blue light flash in my dinning room. I got up to go look and saw the police van stop infront of my place. I was like.. Oh my hat,... are they here to raid my brothel again... anyway... they just stood on idle for a while then left. Right after they left, 3 armed response vehicles came in at a speed and I was like Whoah something is going down here. I then saw them go to all the vehicles opposite and look into them. I then realised we had some thieves pay my neighbours a visit. They broke into the cars opposite us. So, I called both neighbours whose cars were broken into, to get them outside to speak to the police (who had come back) with a thief locked in the back of the van and a young white girl, who was the driver of the getaway vehicle. Do you believe this shit!!!. Of course, dear Shane went off on the chicks arse. I must say I understand her getting pissed off but I saw them Police backing off.... I think they were worried that dear ole Shane was the mafiosa.....The mama Don... Teressa from Real housewives of Jersey have NOTHING on my Shane... NOTHING.
I need to say this though. I am hugely impressed by the SAPS in Table View and Star armed response as they apprehended the crooks so damn fast they didnt even have time to get their hands on tic. And they found the stolen goods in Shawns house. NO BIG SURPRISE there I say.. Ooooh wait.. hahahahaha we all say that......
Well, thats a bit a drama for now.. chat to you all real soon...
On Saturday, I rode the eBike to Channy at Maniacs. At Blouberg Road intersection, 2 big hairy bikers (and I call em hairy cos the fuckers laughed at me),were at the robot, as the robot changed, I flicked my wrist and off the bike went. The one biker SHOUTS to the other one right next to him.... and I think for all of Table View to hear...."check out that ***HELP MY TRAP**** What the hell dude??? You DONT have to use pedal power to get this thing going. Its a mere flick of the wrist to give it vooma.. I GLIDE past in front of them, smile, flip the finger and shout... "its not a Help my trap its an eBike".. and proceed to stop at Battery centre. Oh shit. Did I tell you it was my frist ride. My stop, was an abrupt wobble. Did those hairy fuckers laugh at me and honk their horns.... pffffft..... Anyway, I did not fall or anything... just wobbled a bit... like a kid learning to cycle... so what...anyway as far as I was concerned, there was no dismount there so it was good. Must say... its been awesome riding this bike... Its my mode of transport from now on....
Anyway on Saturday night... I was suppose to go to a braai at Dawns place. I cancelled as I was not looking that hot. My eye was a bit faulty and one never goes out unless one looks sexy right. As I was watching telly, I saw a blue light flash in my dinning room. I got up to go look and saw the police van stop infront of my place. I was like.. Oh my hat,... are they here to raid my brothel again... anyway... they just stood on idle for a while then left. Right after they left, 3 armed response vehicles came in at a speed and I was like Whoah something is going down here. I then saw them go to all the vehicles opposite and look into them. I then realised we had some thieves pay my neighbours a visit. They broke into the cars opposite us. So, I called both neighbours whose cars were broken into, to get them outside to speak to the police (who had come back) with a thief locked in the back of the van and a young white girl, who was the driver of the getaway vehicle. Do you believe this shit!!!. Of course, dear Shane went off on the chicks arse. I must say I understand her getting pissed off but I saw them Police backing off.... I think they were worried that dear ole Shane was the mafiosa.....The mama Don... Teressa from Real housewives of Jersey have NOTHING on my Shane... NOTHING.
I need to say this though. I am hugely impressed by the SAPS in Table View and Star armed response as they apprehended the crooks so damn fast they didnt even have time to get their hands on tic. And they found the stolen goods in Shawns house. NO BIG SURPRISE there I say.. Ooooh wait.. hahahahaha we all say that......
Well, thats a bit a drama for now.. chat to you all real soon...
Friday, 25 May 2012
Debbie does ...: Building a chest of drawers
Debbie does ...: Building a chest of drawers: Oh dear, oh dear, I am just about the cleverest chicken that I know.. Not only did I build my own pool with the assistance of 3 dronkies, I...
Building a chest of drawers
Oh dear, oh dear, I am just about the cleverest chicken that I know.. Not only did I build my own pool with the assistance of 3 dronkies, I have now established that I am bloody good... well sort of..... when it comes to carpentry. I wonder if Extreme Makeover home edition would use me... I doubt it, cos their cupboards and whatever they build lasts. I think only hurricanes and tornados damage those goods.
Right so here is the story. A friend of mine bought me a chest of drawers to say thank you. This came in kit form. It even had pictures. Looking at the pictures and all the little things I got with it, it was complicated to tell you the truth. Now I am not saying I am the rocket scientist here and deciphered this shit, what I did however, was look for the simplest picture, which was the drawers..... Well now.... its easy to slip P 2 and P3 into P4 and then slide P7 under and then well OBVIOUSLY as per the picture, you add the front of the drawer with the handle on right... RIIIIIIIGHT!!!... SO I see the easy pics and follow the steps. What I have not mentioned is that I was doing Step 16 out of 19 steps as it looked the easiest. Bugger 1 - 15 ...will get there once I have done the easy. Anyway, these drawers look good man... I am so bloody proud I have my mother and Nazek and Sasha admiring my handywork... (uhm probably took about 1 hour for 4 drawers)... Only to discover, that I did not use all the little bits and bobs that came with this project and was meant to hold the drawer together.. First time I pull on the handle of the drawer, still on my bed... BAM... it comes off in my hand... now the drawer is back to 3 sides. I then decide to consult with the manual which is all in picture form, to assemble. I mean for fucksakes how difficult can this be. (smoke break here to gather thoughts) and back on the job.. I find the correct little thingys and insert where I should. After the drawers are done... oh and I had to undo the drawers to put the runners on the sides.... (2 and a half hours into the project) ok so a couple of smoke breaks you know, coffee breaks ... etc etc....After assembling the drawers it was easy. I actually should have done the manual cos really ... you do the easy bits first.... even if you do it and undo it cos something else had to be added.....
Finally...4 hours later, my chest of drawers is up... its standing up... its looking awesome.... Problem however..... I have 2 things in my hand that belongs on the chest of drawers. Its skrews that need to be skrewed in somewhere.... and well it looks great and all but its terribly wobbly. I am so damn scared to use the thing....its a wobble.... .. The point is... I did it... I put the damn thing together... kinda successfully too. Very proud of myself but I am gonna need a man to skrew it for me... hahahaha.... true story.
So now its weekend and all I can do is admire what I have built.. but not use it as it might topple. If anyone knows how to stabilize it... I need help... LOL...Have a great weekend you lot....
Right so here is the story. A friend of mine bought me a chest of drawers to say thank you. This came in kit form. It even had pictures. Looking at the pictures and all the little things I got with it, it was complicated to tell you the truth. Now I am not saying I am the rocket scientist here and deciphered this shit, what I did however, was look for the simplest picture, which was the drawers..... Well now.... its easy to slip P 2 and P3 into P4 and then slide P7 under and then well OBVIOUSLY as per the picture, you add the front of the drawer with the handle on right... RIIIIIIIGHT!!!... SO I see the easy pics and follow the steps. What I have not mentioned is that I was doing Step 16 out of 19 steps as it looked the easiest. Bugger 1 - 15 ...will get there once I have done the easy. Anyway, these drawers look good man... I am so bloody proud I have my mother and Nazek and Sasha admiring my handywork... (uhm probably took about 1 hour for 4 drawers)... Only to discover, that I did not use all the little bits and bobs that came with this project and was meant to hold the drawer together.. First time I pull on the handle of the drawer, still on my bed... BAM... it comes off in my hand... now the drawer is back to 3 sides. I then decide to consult with the manual which is all in picture form, to assemble. I mean for fucksakes how difficult can this be. (smoke break here to gather thoughts) and back on the job.. I find the correct little thingys and insert where I should. After the drawers are done... oh and I had to undo the drawers to put the runners on the sides.... (2 and a half hours into the project) ok so a couple of smoke breaks you know, coffee breaks ... etc etc....After assembling the drawers it was easy. I actually should have done the manual cos really ... you do the easy bits first.... even if you do it and undo it cos something else had to be added.....
Finally...4 hours later, my chest of drawers is up... its standing up... its looking awesome.... Problem however..... I have 2 things in my hand that belongs on the chest of drawers. Its skrews that need to be skrewed in somewhere.... and well it looks great and all but its terribly wobbly. I am so damn scared to use the thing....its a wobble.... .. The point is... I did it... I put the damn thing together... kinda successfully too. Very proud of myself but I am gonna need a man to skrew it for me... hahahaha.... true story.
So now its weekend and all I can do is admire what I have built.. but not use it as it might topple. If anyone knows how to stabilize it... I need help... LOL...Have a great weekend you lot....
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Long time
Oh its been ages since I have last blogged. I have been too busy and I actually missed it. Things are settling down now that Janet has gone back to the cold dreary UK and Sasha has moved to Johannesburg. Everyone is going their own ways and its so sad. But its winter so really, its just the right time to go to bed early with a good book or watch all those shows that I record.
A cooking bug has bitten me. Sasha taught me how to make bar one springrolls. OMG She can make it.... I cant.. either the chocolate comes out the side or else the flippen pastry burns.... who knew. Wait.... I did cos cooking never was my strong point was it. I think the winter is going to make me fat..... its gonna take my sexy away... noooooooooooo oh hell no I am going to have to stop it..
So racing was flippen awesome on the 5th of May 2012. Who knew that Aran could fly. To be perfectly honest here, everyone knows that Aran is a racer and a damn good one at that but who would have thought that my boy could go so damn fast on an outdated bike. To hear the comments and feel the vibe at the track was fantastic. It was so phenominal I got pissed. Oh wait... thats normal on a race day..
My ring tone on my phone is Kurt Darrens *Kaptein span die seile* which is freaking my friends out, but....... here is the thing, at the track, I was *Spanning die seile* while dancing somewhat. Dunno hey, vodka makes me langarm and sidestep and twist all at the same time. I think we need to rename my dancestep to langsteptwist. Its wicked moves... hard work I would say...... but can only be done once vodka induced...
Yep, soak in vodka and then get on dancefloor.... steps will follow....
So I just want to say it was mothers day and once again my boy made me proud. He even took his granny out for breakfast.... and then she done his washing...bwhahahahaha... OMG my mother is such a sucker when it comes to my handsome son.... I thought she treated my brother like a baby when he was early twenties but this is simply ridiculous. Aran has the old bat just where he wants her.....The Rattex Queen (as she is fondly know as) absolutely adores my son as he ties her up with cellotape and then tickles the shit outa her. Please bear in mind she can only fight back with one and and one leg. Poor duck... I think she likes it rough...Oh my word......
My sister and her brood were in a terrible motor vehicle accident over Easter in Umtata. The girls each broke their pelvis. The one the left pelvis the other the right and their little brother got concussed and broke some ribs, as did my sister. Armando hurt his right arm. I just think they should walk when they want to go somewhere... or else employ Malema as their driver.... just a thought....you never know ... the dude might need a job soon....
Ok now that I am finished talking shit... I will chat soon when some or other disaster hits me. For now though its the cooking.... and since all my hair got burnt the last time.... I have learnt... lean back when cooking.....LOL although the stove burnt my hair when I tried to light a damn cigarette. Damn.... gonna have to take it easy...
A cooking bug has bitten me. Sasha taught me how to make bar one springrolls. OMG She can make it.... I cant.. either the chocolate comes out the side or else the flippen pastry burns.... who knew. Wait.... I did cos cooking never was my strong point was it. I think the winter is going to make me fat..... its gonna take my sexy away... noooooooooooo oh hell no I am going to have to stop it..
So racing was flippen awesome on the 5th of May 2012. Who knew that Aran could fly. To be perfectly honest here, everyone knows that Aran is a racer and a damn good one at that but who would have thought that my boy could go so damn fast on an outdated bike. To hear the comments and feel the vibe at the track was fantastic. It was so phenominal I got pissed. Oh wait... thats normal on a race day..
My ring tone on my phone is Kurt Darrens *Kaptein span die seile* which is freaking my friends out, but....... here is the thing, at the track, I was *Spanning die seile* while dancing somewhat. Dunno hey, vodka makes me langarm and sidestep and twist all at the same time. I think we need to rename my dancestep to langsteptwist. Its wicked moves... hard work I would say...... but can only be done once vodka induced...
Yep, soak in vodka and then get on dancefloor.... steps will follow....
So I just want to say it was mothers day and once again my boy made me proud. He even took his granny out for breakfast.... and then she done his washing...bwhahahahaha... OMG my mother is such a sucker when it comes to my handsome son.... I thought she treated my brother like a baby when he was early twenties but this is simply ridiculous. Aran has the old bat just where he wants her.....The Rattex Queen (as she is fondly know as) absolutely adores my son as he ties her up with cellotape and then tickles the shit outa her. Please bear in mind she can only fight back with one and and one leg. Poor duck... I think she likes it rough...Oh my word......
My sister and her brood were in a terrible motor vehicle accident over Easter in Umtata. The girls each broke their pelvis. The one the left pelvis the other the right and their little brother got concussed and broke some ribs, as did my sister. Armando hurt his right arm. I just think they should walk when they want to go somewhere... or else employ Malema as their driver.... just a thought....you never know ... the dude might need a job soon....
Ok now that I am finished talking shit... I will chat soon when some or other disaster hits me. For now though its the cooking.... and since all my hair got burnt the last time.... I have learnt... lean back when cooking.....LOL although the stove burnt my hair when I tried to light a damn cigarette. Damn.... gonna have to take it easy...
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Bumps and Bruises and other stuff
Hi there, I have been itching to write about my latest damaging skills... (to myself that is).... After the last blog when I discovered that hellova big bruise amongst others, I realised that Naughty Natalie is a rather wild child I need to subdue the bitch... Kinda calm her down.. dont know how the hell that is suppose to happen....
On Friday night, Channy, Janine and Krishna decided they wanted a potjie. Fair play to them it really was a good call and I swear I am gonna try that on a pot on the stove cos it was delish!!!. Anyway, we were sitting outside just chatting and when I look up I see the gals are putting make up on.... MAKE UP... for a potjie... no boys present...REALLY? Hmmmm this I found rather interesting and decided that I better do the same. I went into the house and went to look for my evening gown but alas, Toya obviously put it away and I could not find it, so I just put on my feather boa, stiletoes and of course the ever present make up... with bright red lipstick.. After all a gal needs that bit of red to bring out the Marilyn in her. When I got outside the bitches laughed. Except for Michelle who had just arrived and of course Shane I was like what the hell? Hmmm shows you, they do learn that if you do something, you simply have to do it with aplomp...... Shit, thinking about it..... I really want that recipe. I am so bloody useless at cooking ok ... perhaps I should start a TV show on how not to cook. I do have the very short hair and the burn marks to prove it.....
Now to tell you about my NEW bumps and bruises..... After the bathroom had been redone... and boy does it look hot, not only did all the drains get blocked... and blocked BADLY..... in fact, so bad that my mother and Channy BOTH flooded the house all the way to the kitchen. I can understand Channy cos she is blonde, but shit man, my mother... pffffft.... Anyway, I kinda cleaned the drains out and was really happy that I could use the new open shower. I have a massage shower head so it really is a fab thing. Anyhow, I got into the new improved shower, turned the water on...and BAM.... the damn shower head fell on my head. I got a moerse fright and a groot knop. Now those of you that wanna call me knopkop can cos I do have one. Anyway, I am now showering under what can only be described as single flow..... (imagine a man urinating... its straight down)... that is what I am dealing with now..... just a pathetic single flow.......Not a problem though cos I am having it fixed before Sat. Hell yea...
Sat is race day again.... whoop whoop. I love my race days. So proud of my son racing a 1000 superbike. I think its the only time he cant hear me moan....KIDDING goodness I do not moan THAT much.... Ya, when you have a child, you need hair on your teeth. (vodka).... and big balls (vodka).
Its gonna be fabulous, cos Megan, Channy, Janine and Sasha are all going to be there... Yes sir, it can only be good.... I will be wearing flat shoes however, (thats what I am thinking now ) dont know if its going to happen though but for now its a good thought.
Have a fantastic week further people.....God Bless and keep smiling
On Friday night, Channy, Janine and Krishna decided they wanted a potjie. Fair play to them it really was a good call and I swear I am gonna try that on a pot on the stove cos it was delish!!!. Anyway, we were sitting outside just chatting and when I look up I see the gals are putting make up on.... MAKE UP... for a potjie... no boys present...REALLY? Hmmmm this I found rather interesting and decided that I better do the same. I went into the house and went to look for my evening gown but alas, Toya obviously put it away and I could not find it, so I just put on my feather boa, stiletoes and of course the ever present make up... with bright red lipstick.. After all a gal needs that bit of red to bring out the Marilyn in her. When I got outside the bitches laughed. Except for Michelle who had just arrived and of course Shane I was like what the hell? Hmmm shows you, they do learn that if you do something, you simply have to do it with aplomp...... Shit, thinking about it..... I really want that recipe. I am so bloody useless at cooking ok ... perhaps I should start a TV show on how not to cook. I do have the very short hair and the burn marks to prove it.....
Now to tell you about my NEW bumps and bruises..... After the bathroom had been redone... and boy does it look hot, not only did all the drains get blocked... and blocked BADLY..... in fact, so bad that my mother and Channy BOTH flooded the house all the way to the kitchen. I can understand Channy cos she is blonde, but shit man, my mother... pffffft.... Anyway, I kinda cleaned the drains out and was really happy that I could use the new open shower. I have a massage shower head so it really is a fab thing. Anyhow, I got into the new improved shower, turned the water on...and BAM.... the damn shower head fell on my head. I got a moerse fright and a groot knop. Now those of you that wanna call me knopkop can cos I do have one. Anyway, I am now showering under what can only be described as single flow..... (imagine a man urinating... its straight down)... that is what I am dealing with now..... just a pathetic single flow.......Not a problem though cos I am having it fixed before Sat. Hell yea...
Sat is race day again.... whoop whoop. I love my race days. So proud of my son racing a 1000 superbike. I think its the only time he cant hear me moan....KIDDING goodness I do not moan THAT much.... Ya, when you have a child, you need hair on your teeth. (vodka).... and big balls (vodka).
Its gonna be fabulous, cos Megan, Channy, Janine and Sasha are all going to be there... Yes sir, it can only be good.... I will be wearing flat shoes however, (thats what I am thinking now ) dont know if its going to happen though but for now its a good thought.
Have a fantastic week further people.....God Bless and keep smiling
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