Nearly MY Christmas lunch

Hip hip hooray.  So glad its weekend.  I do not plan to drink too much as I have a full schedule.  On Sat its the 8 hour endurance race at Killarney and of course Aran and Nicks are gonna ride... I mean really but its not as stressful as when they race superbikes.  I do believe that they fall flippen harder on these little mosquito sounding machines that the big ones.  Last year Andrew, Aran, Janine and one other all broke their collar bones.  Now I ask you.. one race day,  tsk tsk... and that was JUST the collar bones...  Trust me there are way more damages than that....



Anyway, its less vodka as I am going to Anja and (Franco)  Oh my God this man is hot!!!!!!  Anja just walks past and wipes the drool off my mouth when I am with her husband. (Well not quite WITH her hubby but in close proximity like at a party).   So Kathy and Adam and Alison and myself  have all been invited to their house for sushi.. All I can say is double yum as I get eye candy and mouth candy.  And you know Adam is also a good looking geriatric. I think he is doing all these fitness things cos his wife has read 50 Shades.  I think he is trying to sleep with the dogs cos she is tiring him out!!!! He is a good looking dude but sometimes he moans at his 3 angels  (that would be Ali, Kathy and myself) He never has reason but that he is a man... Oh well dont worry Charlie.. I aint drinking too much on Sat night as Sunday is coming...

Now Sunday is a very very special day for me.  My mother the Jabberwock is serving Christmas lunch THIS Sunday.. Yep on the 9th of December we are having Christmas.  I dont quite think she actually believes believes the Mayans, but she is convinced something is gonna happen... She feels its better to be prepared.  You know these geriatrics, as they get older they KNOW things... Oh hell and do they know.  Do not ever argue with them.  If its about a celebration, ALWAYS ALWAYS agree.  The possibility is great that their timespan is wrong and therefore they  would have to redo the party.  I know this, that is why I have kept it under wraps about the 21st.  She believed it was the 12th.  But you know someone who was not up for so many parties ruined it for me and told her the truth.  So now I shall only have 2 Christmas parties and not 3.Oh well, as long as I have my Christmas lunch and am prepared in a hot outfit its all good!!!

Ok gonna dash for now, but will write about the weekend after it happened.  Lets hope that the girls follow instructions on how to make punch properly cos I think Channy and Sam were actually out to give us food poisoning this last weekend.  As for the party that I had that I was not at. (Thanks to Channy and Sam for OBVIOUS reasons). it seems hardly anyone was there cos uhm no one really remembers.  (There were loads of people though) Seems everyone has memory loss and having them come over and fill me in during the week all I can say is DAMN..... it musta been a good punch and party.. If I tell you what happened in the bathroom while I was not there your EYEBALLS would blush it was so bad.!!!!

Ok toodles for now hooligans...see ya all soon
Debbie
Excited for the weekend cos its C H R I S T M A S  LUNCH!!!!  

Getting beaten by a body of water

IT was hot this weekend in Cape Town.  Oh my word.  Aran was not racing again (his bike was not fixed) which was sad, seeing as it was the last race of the season. So we should be thankful that the weather was so nice and we could have a braai..

I suggested that Channy and Sam make us a punch... I like the punch idea. Stefan really makes his well so I thought to do a bit of a twist to it.  I was in the pool giving instructions on how to and what to.  Mind you, the water in the pool was tepid... it was devine...so there I was a floater since 1-00pm in the water, mouthing off on how to and what to.  Anyway the braai was in lieu of Haiawathas birthday.  Yeah my real life red indian from Canada turned 30 and there was no way on Gods Green earth we were going to let it pass by unnoticed.  I was enjoying the being the ring leader in the pool, barking orders (its what I do best in my democratic world).  I know I got my first cold vodka and flavoured water at 2.00pm.  And so the day started, I did not move my arse out the pool, no matter what happened, I was quite capable of hollering instructions.  (I need to teach Zuma how to take control cos for ffs him and his bunch of merry thieves are going to shoot themselves in the foot soon thank Heavens)  Ooops sorry about that, talking about Zuma and Malema really get me going in another direction.

Ok so the party was in full swing, there were really loads of people... I cannot and will not tell you how many cos I know there were loads,  and yes, I was vodka'd up.  They had not even started the fire by 6-00pm and bless their socks, how could they know I would not be moving from the pool....

I attempted to get out at about 7ish and knocked my shoulder and my ear.  Do not even ask cos there is no way I am able to embelish or explain this phenomena to anyone...It was freaky.  Even more freaky, my mother the Rattex Queen (oh dont worry I stopped with the rattex ages ago and now call her jabberwokky cos bloody hell this duck just does not stop talking). Its all good though but she interrupts a conversation to have her say which has nothing to do with what anyone else is saying... ok so, she was floating in the pool being taken care of by Paypay (small little american hillbilly who is irresistable) when she (Jabberwock) decided to get out the pool.... No alcohol for her in the pool as we keep her afloat ok so she had no alcohol in her system. As she got out, I dont know what happened but she slipped on her arse.... The old bats arse is now black and its a moerse bruise.  I think if she wanted to she could have a race fight with herself.  just saying......!!!  I suspect she hurt her cosex (shit dont even know how to spell it... but you know what I mean hopefully).... now she is in bed and relaxing as she cant walk, her arse hurts.  Now I have heard it all.

Anyway, so here I sit with my cabbage ear and battered shoulder and her with a ruined cosex (whatever) so we are definitely not in a happy house right now.  And the fact that I went to bed really really early, I do not even know who was all at the house or the party, so please, if you were there, drop me a line and tell me how great the party was, cos I have no cooking clue. .....

Toodles for now...!!!!! Hope you all have a great week...

PUNCH --- made by Stefan

Holy toledo, on Friday night, we had a potjie.  Jeanette, Sam, Ryan, Rattex Queen and I.  It was one of those we can it type of things.  You know I am quite sure I am a voortrekker at heart not so much other places (nudge nudge) but definitely somewhere.  I like a man to start a fire and get things going...Anyway, we did a bloody good job of it.  The gals were drinking champagne, I had a glass but was not up for it... Naughty Natalie has been good I tell ya. Besides Liza and Haiawatha (my proper red indian from Canada) decided they were going to leave us alone to braai... bitches... but all is fair.. we got the fire going and PLEASE it was a small itsy bitsy lil smoke going and well, it burned at that rate all the time.  No big flames, no big fan fare, just... small.  And so it was like doing a potjie on a slow burner but hey,  IT DID IT.... was good ..... tasted great I tell ya.... I think I am getting to be a conniseur of food!!!  After Come Dine with Me there is no stopping this machine.... Cooking machine??nah Love machine?? mebbe dunno but hell I feel like I am a machine of sorts... a bit of a voortrekker machine but a machine nonetheless..

On Saturday we had a fabulous surprise.  Christine and Stefan FINALLY got married.  Ya hell, these semi geriatrics  (ok not gonna stick to that cos they are my age).....decided that it was long overdue.  They had a private family service and then of course it was Stefans' birthday so they had a spit braai and well, they decided that it was the best day to do nuptials....That they could fit THAT many people into their house was astounding.  Stefan then showed me his punch... I am quite..... yes..... QUITE familiar with this!! Indeed, I think if SAP had to raid his house, they would think its moonshine that shit is so lethal...  Having been to Stefan and Christine on numerous occassions for braais and having drank this, I knew it would be in my best interest to suck on it... very very slowly.  The problem is, this punch tastes abso-bloody-lutely AMAZING.  It is so drinkable and doable that you just drink it slow or not, it tantalizes the tastebuds and you cant stop yourself.  Needless to say, after a few  (aarg ok dammit a few too many perhaps), I could feel that there was this excitement bubbling in my brain.  It was just talking nonsense... spewing out absolute shit for no reason.  Of course, the recliner was left open for me  (oh you gotta love my mates) So I had THE most comfortable seat in and out of the house... fabulous planning I would say.  Got home and well, Haiawatha was there so I hollered for her to come and have a drink with me before I hit the sack....I love Stefan and I love his punch but for the love of Mary, I dont like the next day feeling so hangover....Thanks Stefan!!!!

Ok so here is the thing, I have been trying to communicate with Santa or with his elves  (as you know I know people that know people that know his elves) about my behavior.  I have been putting out   hahahah KIDDING putting word out that I have been good at being good, good at being bad etc etc, just basically good at everything so I deserved a good good gift.

My list doesnt seem unreasonable in light of the fact that I cant do THAT much Zumba even though I love it cos I realize there are other ways to lose weight and of course all the other shit that follows.

So ... IF ANYONE knows anyone that knows a plastic surgeon, I swear, I will have the most awesome Christmas.  Speaking of....... Rattex Queen is still full steam ahead for Christmas party on 9 December.  So not stopping her...Why the hell would anyone want to anyway... ONLY AFTER, that will I explain the dates are incorrect.. Here is to having a flippen awesome Christmas.

....

Debbie does ...: Trying to stay sane

Debbie does ...: Trying to stay sane: I have realized that the more I try and calm down, the worse I get.  No seriously now, I wanted to have a chilled weekend.  Really chilled w...

Trying to stay sane

I have realized that the more I try and calm down, the worse I get.  No seriously now, I wanted to have a chilled weekend.  Really chilled week in fact.  First off,  I went to Kalk Bay to go and watch Martin Evans do the FBPK in the theatre there. He was my partner in crime in Come Dine.  Was so funny and it was an awesome show.  I only had a taster of wine.  Went home and thought it was do-able.  On Friday night, it was Jeanettes birthday and well, she wanted to have a potjie at my house, and who the hell am I to say no!!  Really like THAT is going to happen.  Anyhow, we only had dry red wine available.  I cant stand dry wine in the first place, and then this dooswyn also stains your teeth.  It looks bloody dreadful... Anyway, the Rattex Queen decided to put sugar in the wine to sweeten it and what do you know......It really did.  In fact you could take that bitter red wine and turn it into a semi sweet or a sweet.  I realize that I no longer have to try and make my own wine.  I was made to promise that I will not let anyone drink my homemade wine.  Listen, its vile shit to be honest, but hell it kicks like a mule on steroids before it started its workout!!!.So, the Rattex Queen got a bit bent outa shape with the wine.  Me, I was drinking it, and champagne and trying to take it easy cos on Sat it was another party.

Come Sat night, its a fondue at Ali's house with Kathy and Adam.  Now Adam is known as Charlie and Kathy, Ali and I are his angels.  Some fat bastard by the name of Tyrone come to the party with his wife, and we were joking and talking about Charlie and he asks us,.... which one of you ate Charlie.  Implying we were fat?  What the fuck!!!!  Ok ,.....ok so I am kinda large but really, eating Charlie... tsk tsk...The fondue was awesome, there were loads of us and I fell in lust with Fabio all over again... Oh don't get me wrong, I love his wife Anja as well but that Fabio, when drinking wine, and the fact that he is Italian is just too much for this champagne swilling, wine drinking, shooter loving woman.  Oi vei.... that is a hot man....shooo

Anyway, between Ali and I and everyone playing 30 seconds, we were drinking loads of wine and well, Ali and Adam and I thought we were fabulous and were drinking shooters.  Ali was making us blowjobs.  Now I mean really, blowjobs are fun aren't they?  Its smooth, it looks good (that could be cos we were hammered) and it tastes really really nice.  While out partying I realized that I had forgotten about Haiawatha aka Leonore arriving in SA.  No problem for me, I got young Ashley to drive me home as I will not drink and drive....

As we pulled away from Ali's house, it happened.  I just shouted stop!!! and stop she did, but my stomach must have been churning like a fucken washing machine on spin and rinse the minute the vehicle started moving.. OMG.  Projectile, full on!!!!! Goodness me, was I glad to get home and get into bed, and when Haiawatha arrived at my house after 2-00 (I woke up not knowing if it was a burglar cos they were trying to be quiet.  Haiawatha is not quiet but not only that, I was so out of it, I was gonna ask the burglar to go to the shop for me) but it turns out it was her coming in so late cos she was out jolling, she walked in with her luggage and a sausage roll.  Do you KNOW how good food looks that time of the night?  She offered me a bite, I took it, and then I decided to spruce her sausage roll up, with some cheese and some sauce.  She did not have another bite.  Instead she went to the shop and bought 2 more pies and of course my Creme Sober,   She remembers my green ambulance.  Bless these red indians that come to visit.  I am just pissed at her again cos she never brought me a male version wearing a loin cloth and having long flowing hair... Am I asking too much????

Debbie does ...: My giggles

Debbie does ...: My giggles: Am I happy its weekend!!! Hell yes.  Tonight its Jeanettes birthday party and she opted to have a potjie at my house.  I love parties at my ...

My giggles

Am I happy its weekend!!! Hell yes.  Tonight its Jeanettes birthday party and she opted to have a potjie at my house.  I love parties at my house cos everyone cooks or braais here and serves me while doing it.  It is the most fantastic venue I have been too.  I dont have to tip them, I just have to be me ok well maybe NOT just me, maybe a bit of Naughty Natalie.  I gotta put that bitch down soon, she is the reason I am NOT losing weight.  She drinks too much.  

On Saturday we are having a fondue at Allies house, with Adam and Kathy and some others.  Ooooh I love it when Charlie looks after his angels  (Charlie = Adam)....NOT that he actually looks after us per say.. we just get drunk!!! Well we get inebriated ok does that sound better... I know I am gonna be hanging on Sunday.  Its gonna be bad!!! Real bad.

Now I need to tell you all about my niece Chantelles daughter.  This is a lil American girl that is now living here in SA with her mama and papa, and she has picked up the SA accent..  This kid is so bloody funny.  She was in my bedroom staring into the mirror when she said to the mirror  "I look fat" she then proceeds to tell the mirror that the mirror is fat too.  Then she puts her hands on her hips, shakes her head and says to the mirror "Sweet Baby Jesus what are we going to do?"  This kid just turned 4.  That I never wet myself or fell off the bed laughing is unbelievable. Not long after that, a couple of weeks later, she gets out of the bath and keeps looking over her shoulders.  Both sides and very perturbed.  Her mother asked her what the problem was, and she asked her mom "When I was born mommy did I come with batteries?"  She was looking where her batteries went...BWHAHAHAHAHA... This week however she was once again priceless.  On the way to her school (day care ok geez) they drove past the Catholic church.  The church had just put a new cross up with Jesus on it.  As they drove past  she grabbed her dads shoulder and shouted  "Oh my God,  daddy daddy I just saw Jeeeesus"  full on American Southern twang!!! She did not stop her diatribe shouting "daddy daddy look there is Jeesus, I cant believe I just saw Jeesus'  I am sorry that I spell Jesus like that but that's the way this kid was hollering. Her father said he nearly had an accident at first cos she grabbed him so hard but then he could not stop laughing.  When she came to my house later that day, I asked her what Jesus looked like, and she stood with her arms out, her head down and her one foot over the other.  How flippen funny is this kid.  

Anyhoo, I just had to speak about Jesus cos for a 4 year old to be so happy and shocked and verbose about seeing Jesus was a priceless moment.

Now to rest for a bit to get my battery up and running so that I can PARTAY this weekend.  

See ya'll soon peeps... Keep the bright side up and keep on smiling

Toodles for now

Debbie does ...: What an experience

Debbie does ...: What an experience: Now now let me tell you...what a lot of fun I had.  We did the Come Dine with Me South Africa.  5 days of drinking.... what can I say.. It w...

What an experience

Now now let me tell you...what a lot of fun I had.  We did the Come Dine with Me South Africa.  5 days of drinking.... what can I say.. It wasn't vodka going down the gullet like it normally does when Aran races.  Noooo sireee this is the wine shit man... Wine, is known to give a really shitty hangover.  Serious headache and all the rest as well.

I absolutely loved Tamryn.  I know the child is getting a lot of flack for being herself.  She is not as dof as she appears to be, but then if people realize it was all alcohol related... aah well...then maybe they can see her for what she really was.  An absolute gem.  Listen, she was beyond wasted..... and well.... so were we.  I just thought it was all too bloody funny for words, so ya......If they had showed other footage about some of the other diners on Tamryns night then I doubt very much that she would have gotten all the backlash.  Oh boy, we were all badly behaved.. some just way more than others!!!! How does one edit a show like that.  I mean it was cooky and when I think of some of the stuff that was said and done that was not aired, I wanna wet myself ok.  I know that Hebrew said we were all acting.  HUH  its a reality show, oh but wait... my friends cant believe how well behaved I was... Gotta love it that they know one can get outa hand.  I think if they made a programme called "How too lose weight unsuccessfully" I would be the perfect candidate for that.

My teacher at school once told me that I had decorum.  Yeah now I know she meant it!!!!! I am capable of being a lady and a tramp, hahahaha...

Well as for the rest.... I cannot express how quick it all went. How much fun we had doing it, and how really pissed we all were....

Moving on to Zumba, (and ANOTHER quest to lose weight)  bloody hell, I was so hung over on Tuesday, that 2 litres of Lemon Twist and a small creme sober could not make me feel well enough to go to Zumba.  I woulda pulled a muscle or fallen off my eBike thats for bloody sure.  Speaking of...... I nearly wiped out a pedestrian mama walking on the side walk as I came zooting past.  I have no damn eye and foot co-ordination when it comes to the bike.  Please remember I am a big mama too so all you see from the rear is arse and a wheel.... Now the problem with the eBike is it goes faster than a damn bicycle so when I fall I am going to fall really really hard and in my chops... Anyway I got a moerse bruise on my calf (which coincidentally is so big I can kickstart a jumbojet in the middle of Alaska dead centre of winter). Not so fussed about the bruise anymore but still concerned that I need to get my riding skills better.  Shit a brick at this rate, I am gonna be blue and black from hurting myself on this thing.  My stopping leaves a lot to be desired still.  I am up and at it daily.

For now though, I am on my eBike to go home and get into the pool on this hot spring day.

Toodles ya'll.

Cor Blimey - Itching like a bitch

Goodness me, I discovered recently that I suffer from blood pressure.  Not a biggie as it was not THAT high but it was high enough to warrant taking pills.  The bain of my life as I am one very forgetful tart.  I am not able to take pills daily.  Shit a brick.  Anyways, I have started itching badly!!!!.  OMG you have to see this to believe it.  I thought I had bedbugs then I thought it was mosquitos and then I thought it was a spider, all kinds of scenarios went through my head.  I then opted to call the pharmacist.  Bless him the girls still owe him a blowjob for a favour he had done for me... (so what if I sell my friends pffffft)  It transpires that I have a helllova allergic reaction to the pill.  Ya, maybe I should just go off it and stay on Xanax  (aaah the love of my life I tell ya).. Kidding my God!!! Its not THAT bad, I only take it when I am tense.... I get tense frequently cos I dont get laid enough.  I have the gorgeous frenchie but I need to make a call you know....

Damn damn damn, Aran could not race this past weekend as the gearbox on his bike was broken.  That was dreadful as Aran is a force to be reconned with on the track.  No for real!!! I dont just say that cos he is my son, I say that not as a mother but as the mouth piece of plenty!!! I am always proud of him and I frequently get tears in my eyes when I hear when people wax lyrics about him  *sigh*... My little boy is growing up.  Bugger the fact that he is 6 foot something..pfffffft... We had a good chat last night but of course the Rattex Queen was in her room watching her telly (oh and she says she is deaf) and while we were having a conversation she would agree with Aran.  Selective hearing or what??? Its rife in my family.. She is the poster child for it.  In fact, you can be outside or in the lounge and whisper "coffee" and she will holler YES  I WANT!!!!.  So much for deafness

Bless my Rattex Queen for making Toya put tins of food in my room!!  So organised she is that when I started laughing at the latest situation she realiszd her folly (or not) but went along with it and allowed Toya to put the tins back in the cupboard anyway,

OMG, the Spar round the corner from my house was selling four cousins wine (the 1,5l) for a whopping R39-00 .  hahahahahaha OF COURSE I had to lighten the load of the store that day I mean DUH it goes without saying.  We had a braai and well, the wine was just going.  Had hayfever a couple of times, played 30 seconds in our way like the pro I am and then went to bed.  No Naughty Natalie.  I think I was too pissed.  However, I was not hanging as bad as Channy and Sam.  Channy also passed out but Sam still went on a hunting spree.

Thats it for now I guess.  Wanna go and find out what the hell is going on with my arms and ears.  Mind you its only my left ear and as the expression goes... *hoe linker hoe flinker* it means someone is saying nice things about me.. For that I thank you.. hehehehehe... no its just a bloody allergy  my luck.

Catch ya all on the flipside soon.

Toodles for now

Debbie does ...: What a mission!!!

Debbie does ...: What a mission!!!: Good heavens.... I could not blog even if I tried for shits and giggles..  Damn that was horrible.  Google would not allow me to.  No no no ...

What a mission!!!

Good heavens.... I could not blog even if I tried for shits and giggles..  Damn that was horrible.  Google would not allow me to.  No no no its not cos it banned me or anything like that, it just would not happen.  What a mission cos I sure as shit missed blogging.

So, I had the most amazing week a couple of weeks ago, and not only that but I met some amazing people, oh and throw in a prick but ya, across the board, the people that I spent time with were awesome and some real friendships will develop out of it..  My actions though could cause embarrassment but baaaah, who hasnt had one of those.  It was embarrassing to say the least.  I sometimes can be rather sanctimonious.  Ooooh piss off we all have faults you know.... The only other thing I can say is that I probably threw my name away but arg you know, you can always go back and collect it...well sometimes you can!!!!!.But then again, we always imagine how things are going to turn out but then it never does.

I was so pissed off this last weekend at the Nationals.  Bless my cotton picking socks I tell ya.  I even came home semi-sober... YES!!!! You read right... SEMI SOBER!!! I was drinking in the afternoon and then I slowed down rapidly after a kak situation.  Anyway, I do believe in Karma and karma is going kick some arse.  Specially the dooses arse that stole my money out of my wallet.  No worries though, I dont stress over that cos I know if you do something wrong it comes back to you seven fold.  Go get em Karma!!!!

Aran had bike problems at the Nationals and so when it was qualifying time he had to start at the back of the grid.  On lap 1 he had moved up to 7th position and on lap 2, the bikes gearbox or clutch or something went.  All things happen for a reason....

Now about Zumba.  Doing Zumba is fucken awesome.  Its fun, sometimes... It even feels like bad sex on some days it hurts!!!.....Anyway, I never realized I had muscles in some of those places.  Shit man, I could hardly walk for about 2 days the 1st time I did it... It is actually getting better though.  Although I do miss class every once in a while, I would love to be motivated to go all the time but you know.... when a pork calls me, I bloody well eat it.... I am doing Zumba to get fit and to get my blood pressure back to normal.  When I see Bobby Skinstad on TV my blood pressure rises, so now one day when I meet him, I gotta be all slim and sexy not big and sexy (which is what I am right now ok!!!)  Ai man, I could ride him Sea Biscuit that one...

Oh the life, the life I tell you

Good day people.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have a bloody interesting life.  I was looking through some of my Facebook friends.  Yea buddy.... Its been quite an eye opener I tell you.  Firstly, when I was part owner of a strip club, I was the managing member and therefore at the club all the time.  In that time, I had many many offers for people to come and have swinger parties there.  I always refused as I really felt it was not really what we were about.  However, I did meet loads of the swingers and thought they were really nice people..  Anyhow,  they became Facebook friends to keep up with what was happening in the club etc.  After a while their friends became my friends and so the network grew.  Its been fascinating meeting some of these people on Facebook.... (I must add that I have not met em all in real life but do know P L E N T Y of em)....I think they have the funniest names ever and if you compare it to RuPauls drag race, I think the swingers win hands down with names game.

For example... us big chicks have ..... well lets just say VW bonnets ok.... so it stands to reason, that calling ourselves something like *cute bumz*  would be funny and sarcastic.  I have seen names like Priscilla Limbs, Cassie Longlegs and Fay Feathers,  then you get the Stoutgat Adoons and Volksie Bonnet... see see... how the hell does the Volksie bonnet fit in with the sexy names....  I think I should get myself a porn name.... but hell man my imagination just doesn't run that far, it gets kinda tired half way around the kitchen counter.. Anyway my point is... I want a sexy name as well dammit...

And since watching Rupauls drag race I have not seen a drag show for many many years.  Went with Rose who is one of the craziest women I have ever known, which made it all the more hysterical.  One of the drag artists walked me to the car, with his arm around me, and truth be told, he looked like a female and I felt like I was butch.. I am not at all I am a straight female but I didn't feel feminine next to the drag queen.  You have got to love em.... If anyone knows where in Cape Town I will be there like a bear with no hair I tell ya.

Oooh and as for the super bike races... Oh my word, Aran won the first race... I need to point out that he was racing on a 5 year old bike... YES 5 years old and whipping arse..  Thats my boy...

Now pissed off cos a nail just broke.... Must be cos of my quick hard strokes on the keyboard.  Oh damn.

Well have a great week ahead and I wish you all get a very nice and pleasant surprise during the course of the week.

Toodles for now people.

Long time eh....

Good heavens.... I am as confused as the bloody weather here I tell you.  I am super impressed that SAPS gave every homeowner in our complex a letter requesting a meeting with all of us due to crime.  Seems we have some nice stuff that other people want to appropriate.  My bicycle was stolen, hence me buying the eBike and now NO ONE has a bike like that so they cant still this shit....And most of my neighbours have been robbed.  There were gun shots in the churchyard... NEXT to the complex..  I am not living in the Cape Flats, just a simple complex with normal people.  We met with the police last night but they never issued us with weapons of mass destruction.  What is wrong here?  LOL  ok ok good heavens kidding....I recall the time the police came to raid my house due to an anonymous tip off saying its a brothel right, so last night, at the meeting, I asked the police, in front of ALL the neighbours....if they could please curb the crime in the complex as it brought my brothel to an abrupt halt.  I said customers stopped coming cos of the break ins to cars......The room gasped and then everyone laughed.  The police did say that I may not open a brothel now.. Damn them....

As for my new hair... the long blonde ones... I feel like I belong on RuPauls drag race..  I look proper drag queenish.....wait.. not quite there but getting there.  I dont know what happened.  The hair is getting less and less and so i need to decide to I really want long hair or do I want to let it just grow.  Fuckit... we all know that is not going to happen.  That is why I am where I am with my hair right now.  Its cos I cant stand it short so had extensions put in.  What a mission.  Never going to light a cigarette on the gas stove ever again... NEVER EVER.....

Janine is down from Jhb with her boyfriend and Irene is down for a week as well.  Seems like its party central at my place for the weekend as it is Janines birthday. Hell yea... Vodka time... and 60 seconds (our version established by Channy)...oh boy... bring on the hayfever... I am so ready.  And then of course my lil girl is coming to visit next week or the week thereafter.  And its the Rattex Queens birthday then, so ya... another party.  And here I have been elected as Chairman of the Home Owners Association in the complex and I am the one that has all the parties.  Bless them... I think before I wear the title though I am seriously considering passing it on.... My mouth is too big and I am too loud and I am capable of pissing people off. Ask my ex friend... he knows very well...

Dunno if I mentioned that I read 50 Shades of Grey and the 2 follow ups.  Oh my word.  LOVED the book now look at all men in a predatory way... sis on me.... I really do need to behave......

Ok this whips and chains bitch is saying toodles for now..... chat to you all soon.  Oh and if there are drunk tweets it will be my alter ego *naughty Natalie*. I will however try and hide the phone from her.....

Debbie does ...: Oh lala going all E on your arses

Debbie does ...: Oh lala going all E on your arses: So, its been a while eh.  Gee whizz quite a bit has happened.  I know I never spoke about the break in I had.  And what fun I had after.  Ok...

Oh lala going all E on your arses

So, its been a while eh.  Gee whizz quite a bit has happened.  I know I never spoke about the break in I had.  And what fun I had after.  Ok .. so about 2 weeks ago.... maybe 3..... don't shoot me for not having the right timeline for heavens sake, anyhow, some bloody bergie... and I KNOW it was a bergie cos as I moved my vehicle out of the garage, I saw 2 of the bergies and I know they saw my bike as they walked past the garage as I shut it while driving away.  I got home from work, pushed the button....the garage opens and the garage looks like its relieved of some of its contents.... Right off the bat I can see my bicycle is gone... I call the cops, phone the insurance get it all sorted.  I got paid out for my bicycle so I went and got myself an eBike.  Now this is a battery operated bike that has pedals.  This allows for you to ride the roads without a licence. OMG I look like a Bat outa Hell... Thanks Meatloaf.. pffffft... Anyway, I feel like a superstar riding my bike... trust me... everyone stares.... Not quite sure if they cant believe what they see.. this big arse and 2 wheels just going by so quietly... (oh not THAT quiet) it rattles a bit... or just that it looks like a fun thing to ride.  I see some people standing on the kerb watching and some walking by craning their necks to see me ride my bike.. I know they want it... ooh how they want it... they wanna appropriate it off me again.. Fuck them I say... I got me a motorbike lock for my bicycle... hows that.  Now I need to bling the thing out... wait... first paint it pink.. then bling it out... and then of course I simply have to get the Harley Davidson tassles....

On Saturday, I rode the eBike to Channy at Maniacs.  At Blouberg Road intersection, 2 big hairy bikers (and I call em hairy cos the fuckers laughed at me),were at the robot,  as the robot changed, I flicked my wrist and off the bike went.  The one biker SHOUTS to the other one right next to him.... and  I think for all of Table View to hear...."check out that ***HELP MY TRAP**** What the hell dude??? You DONT have to use pedal power to get this thing going.  Its a mere flick of the wrist to give it vooma.. I GLIDE past in front of them, smile, flip the finger and shout... "its not a Help my trap its an eBike".. and proceed to stop at Battery centre.  Oh shit.  Did I tell you it was my frist ride.  My stop, was an abrupt wobble.  Did those hairy fuckers laugh at me and honk their horns.... pffffft..... Anyway, I did not fall or anything... just wobbled a bit... like a kid learning to cycle... so what...anyway as far as I was concerned, there was no dismount there so it was good.  Must say... its been awesome riding this bike... Its my mode of transport from now on....

Anyway on Saturday night... I was suppose to go to a braai at Dawns place.  I cancelled as I was not looking that hot.  My eye was a bit faulty and one never goes out unless one looks sexy right.  As I was watching telly, I saw a blue light flash in my dinning room.  I got up to go look and saw the police van stop infront of my place.  I was like.. Oh my hat,... are they here to raid my brothel again... anyway... they just stood on idle for a while then left.  Right after they left, 3 armed response vehicles came in at a speed and I was like Whoah something is going down here.  I then saw them go to all the vehicles opposite and look into them.  I then realised we had some thieves pay my neighbours a visit.  They broke into the cars opposite us.  So, I called both neighbours whose cars were broken into, to get them outside to speak to the police (who had come back) with a thief locked in the back of the van and a young white girl, who was the driver of the getaway vehicle.  Do you believe this shit!!!. Of course, dear Shane went off on the chicks arse.  I must say I understand her getting pissed off but I saw them Police backing off.... I think they were worried that dear ole Shane was the mafiosa.....The mama Don... Teressa from Real housewives of Jersey have NOTHING on my Shane... NOTHING.

I need to say this though.  I am hugely impressed by the SAPS in Table View and Star armed response as they apprehended the crooks so damn fast they didnt even have time to get their hands on tic.  And they found the stolen goods in Shawns house.  NO BIG SURPRISE there I say.. Ooooh wait.. hahahahaha we all say that......

Well, thats a bit a drama for now..  chat to you all real soon...

Debbie does ...: Building a chest of drawers

Debbie does ...: Building a chest of drawers: Oh dear, oh dear, I am just about the cleverest chicken that I know..  Not only did I build my own pool with the assistance of 3 dronkies, I...

Building a chest of drawers

Oh dear, oh dear, I am just about the cleverest chicken that I know..  Not only did I build my own pool with the assistance of 3 dronkies, I have now established that I am bloody good... well sort of..... when it comes to carpentry.  I wonder if Extreme Makeover home edition would use me... I doubt it, cos their cupboards and whatever they build lasts.  I think only hurricanes and tornados damage those goods.

Right so here is the story.  A friend of mine bought me a chest of drawers to say thank you.  This came in kit form.  It even had pictures.  Looking at the pictures and all the little things I got with it, it was complicated to tell you the truth.  Now I am not saying I am the rocket scientist here and deciphered this shit, what I did however, was look for the simplest picture, which was the drawers..... Well now.... its easy to slip P 2 and P3 into P4 and then slide P7 under and then well OBVIOUSLY as per the picture, you add the front of the drawer with the handle on right... RIIIIIIIGHT!!!... SO I see the easy pics and follow the steps.  What I have not mentioned is that I was doing Step 16 out of 19 steps as it looked the easiest.  Bugger 1 - 15 ...will get there once I have done the easy.  Anyway, these drawers look good man... I am so bloody proud I have my mother and Nazek and Sasha admiring my handywork... (uhm probably took about 1 hour for 4 drawers)... Only to discover, that I did not use all the little bits and bobs that came with this project and was meant to hold the drawer together.. First time I pull on the handle of the drawer, still on my bed... BAM... it comes off in my hand... now the drawer is back to 3 sides.  I then decide to consult with the manual which is all in picture form, to assemble.  I mean for fucksakes how difficult can this be.  (smoke break here to gather thoughts) and back on the job.. I find the correct little thingys and insert where I should.  After the drawers are done... oh and I had to undo the drawers to put the runners on the sides.... (2 and a half hours into the project) ok so a couple of smoke breaks you know, coffee breaks ... etc etc....After assembling the drawers it was easy.  I actually should have done the manual cos really ... you do the easy bits first.... even if you do it and undo it cos something else had to be added.....

Finally...4 hours later, my chest of drawers is up... its standing up... its looking awesome.... Problem however..... I have 2 things in my hand that belongs on the chest of drawers.  Its skrews that need to be skrewed in somewhere.... and well it looks great and all but its terribly wobbly.  I am so damn scared to use the thing....its a wobble.... .. The point is... I did it... I put the damn thing together... kinda successfully too.  Very proud of myself but I am gonna need a man to skrew it for me... hahahaha.... true story.

So now its weekend and all I can do is admire what I have built.. but not use it as it might topple.  If anyone knows how to stabilize it... I need help... LOL...Have a great weekend you lot....

Long time

Oh its been ages since I have last blogged.  I have been too busy and I actually missed it.  Things are settling down now that Janet has gone back to the cold dreary UK and Sasha has moved to Johannesburg.  Everyone is going their own ways and its so sad.  But its winter so really, its just the right time to go to bed early with a good book or watch all those shows that I record.

A cooking bug has bitten me. Sasha taught me how to make bar one springrolls.  OMG She can make it.... I cant.. either the chocolate comes out the side or else the flippen pastry burns.... who knew.  Wait.... I did cos cooking never was my strong point was it.  I think the winter is going to make me fat..... its gonna take my sexy away... noooooooooooo oh hell no I am going to have to stop it..

So racing was flippen awesome on the 5th of May 2012.  Who knew that Aran could fly.  To be perfectly honest here, everyone knows that Aran is a racer and a damn good one at that but who would have thought that my boy could go so damn fast on an outdated bike.  To hear the comments and feel the vibe at the track was fantastic.  It was so phenominal I got pissed.  Oh wait... thats normal on a race day..

My ring tone on my phone is Kurt Darrens *Kaptein span die seile* which is freaking my friends out, but....... here is the thing, at the track, I was *Spanning die seile* while dancing somewhat.  Dunno hey, vodka makes me langarm and sidestep and twist all at the same time.  I think we need to rename my dancestep to langsteptwist.   Its wicked moves... hard work I would say...... but can only be done once vodka induced...
Yep, soak in vodka and then get on dancefloor.... steps will follow....

So I just want to say it was mothers day and once again my boy made me proud.  He even took his granny out for breakfast.... and then she done his washing...bwhahahahaha... OMG my mother is such a sucker when it comes to my handsome son.... I thought she treated my brother like a baby when he was early twenties but this is simply ridiculous.  Aran has the old bat just where he wants her.....The Rattex Queen (as she is fondly know as) absolutely adores my son as he ties her up with cellotape and then tickles the shit outa her.  Please bear in mind she can only fight back with one and and one leg. Poor duck... I think she likes it rough...Oh my word......

My sister and her brood were in a terrible motor vehicle accident over Easter in Umtata.  The girls each broke their pelvis.  The one the left pelvis the other the right and their little brother got concussed and broke some ribs, as did my sister.  Armando hurt his right arm.  I just think they should walk when they want to go somewhere... or else employ Malema as their driver.... just a thought....you never know ... the dude might need a job soon....

Ok now that I am finished talking shit... I will chat soon when some or other disaster hits me.  For now though its the cooking.... and since all my hair got burnt the last time.... I have learnt... lean back when cooking.....LOL although the stove burnt my hair when I tried to light a damn cigarette.  Damn.... gonna have to take it easy...

Bumps and Bruises and other stuff

Hi there, I have been itching to write about my latest damaging skills... (to myself that is).... After the last blog when I discovered that hellova big bruise amongst others, I realised that Naughty Natalie is a rather wild child I need to subdue the bitch... Kinda calm her down.. dont know how the hell that is suppose to happen....

On Friday night, Channy, Janine and Krishna decided they wanted a potjie.  Fair play to them it really was a good call and I swear I am gonna try that on a pot on the stove cos it was delish!!!.   Anyway, we were sitting outside just chatting and when I look up I see the gals are putting make up on.... MAKE UP... for a potjie... no boys present...REALLY?  Hmmmm this I found rather interesting and decided that I better do the same.  I went into the house and went to look for my evening gown but alas, Toya obviously put it away and I could not find it, so I just put on my feather boa, stiletoes and of course the ever present make up... with bright red lipstick..  After all a gal needs that bit of red to bring out the Marilyn in her.  When I got outside the bitches laughed. Except for Michelle who had just arrived and of course Shane  I was like what the hell?  Hmmm shows you, they do learn that if you do something, you simply have to do it with aplomp......  Shit, thinking about it.....  I really want that recipe.  I am so bloody useless at cooking ok ... perhaps I should start a TV show on how not to cook.  I do have the very short hair and the burn marks to prove it.....

Now to tell you about my NEW bumps and bruises..... After the bathroom had been redone... and boy does it look hot, not only did all the drains get blocked... and blocked BADLY..... in fact, so bad that my mother and Channy BOTH flooded the house all the way to the kitchen.  I can understand Channy cos she is blonde, but shit man, my mother... pffffft.... Anyway, I kinda cleaned the drains out and was really happy that I could use the new open shower.  I have a massage shower head so it really is a fab thing.  Anyhow,  I got into the new improved shower, turned the water on...and BAM.... the damn shower head fell on my head.  I got a moerse fright and a groot knop.  Now those of you that wanna call me knopkop can cos I do have one.  Anyway, I  am now showering under what can only be described as single flow..... (imagine a man urinating... its straight down)... that is what I am dealing with now.....  just a pathetic single flow.......Not a problem though cos I am having it fixed before Sat.  Hell yea...

Sat is race day again.... whoop whoop.   I love my race days.  So proud of my son racing a 1000 superbike.  I think its the only time he cant hear me moan....KIDDING goodness I do not moan THAT much....  Ya, when you have a child, you need hair on your teeth. (vodka).... and big balls (vodka).

Its gonna be fabulous, cos Megan, Channy, Janine and Sasha are all going to be there... Yes sir, it can only be good.... I will be wearing flat shoes however, (thats what I am thinking now ) dont know if its going to happen though but for now its a good thought.

Have a fantastic week further people.....God Bless and keep smiling

Racing with the Stars

It was hot and it was exciting..... and of course Ponchos and Vodka was flowing.... Initially however it started all calm and cool....we were all screaming and shouting for our local boys (sorry Greg will holler for you next time bud). Did not even know you were in town till I saw your dad. And that was after the 1st race.......

As the day progressed, the vodka started flowing and ponchos were poured and oh well.  This time it was rather different though. There was a band playing and it was getting exciting.  They were playing afrikaans music.  Yep I now want Kaptein span die seile as my ringtone on my phone....and I am gonna get it.  The next time this phone rings I will go in full dutchman mode.  Pasop mense....Hier kom die dutchie.....

Well with the music flowing as well as the vodka we were all langarming and the strangest thing happened.  I morphed into Julius Malemas wife.  Yep I cunt reememba who invedid mah hed.  I hed so much fun.  I theenk I must avoid this in my life.  Itch and every pearson enjoyed themselves. I am lenning to tok well now..... I am epplying to be his personal assis-tent.  I will be verrry verrry gud at it..

I have no fucken clue how that happened but anyway, we all became comrades and spoke like them.  Oh well Juju hope you had fun... We sure as shit did.....AT YOUR EXPENSE bud.....

Anyway, now its a new week and a new adventure.  Tomorrow night we are having a party for Chantelles birthday so that can only be good.  I see good times ahead for the week.

Just a bit sad that Janet is leaving to go back to Wales.  We just have to be patient and know that she loves us and will be back....

Have a fantastic week you lot.  I will blog later in the week...

Less Vodka? Is it do able....

You know, I have been thinking.... and yes yes  I do this often...  but this is about my weight again.  I drink vodka and the more vodka I drink the thinner I get (OBVIOUSLY this shit is going on in my head).  I believe that I have the figure like Cameron Diaz .... for real.  Ask my mates who have seen me in my gold lame 2 piece doing a handstand in my pool which is so shallow, that when I stand upright its just below my tits. Now imagine doing a handstand.  This means, only my arms and head and neck and half tit is covered.  The rest is well above water..  Ok wait.. maybe a bit more is covered.  Obviously depending on the amount of vodka being drunk at the time.  Doing this in such a small pool is not as easy as it seems.  But that doesnt seem to be the only problem.  The other situation is that I am fucken drop dead gorgeous.  Ok I think I am sexy anyway but hells bells when intoxicated, I am Miss World.  And lets not talk about my voice.   I think I sound like Madonna mixed with a bit of Britney Spears.  Oh my, when intoxicated I am the person you all want to be  (in my head people in my head ok) cos I am all of the above.  So now I am thinking.... maybe I should change my drink to brandy... and drink some serious karate water..... but then, in doing that, do I really want to become Jackie Chang and Jackie Chang everyones arse that comes my way.  I say HELL NO.... rather stick to the vodka.  I dunno maybe I need to go and see someone about these illusions in my head.  Oh skrew that...I love them.  Now Saturday is race day for my Aran again.  And of course its a vodka day.  I try I really try and stay sober.  In fact, when in drunken state I speak the queens english so that my son wont pick up that I have been drinking.  Hey puppy... thats bullshit, he catches me every time....

Oh wait... if that was it, it would be cool, but I even drink the ugly fuckers pretty.  I love people I dislike.  I am a mess I tell you a soft mess.  The only thing I am not when drunk is horny, so I wont ever wake up and think OMG I should never have done that.  I need serious love the next day though ya... ya ... you  know what I mean...

Good heavens.... I am hungry... going to go and eat now and consider what to do about the drinking...... but hey I only drink on race days and party days  and nooooooooo I do not party every day... However, having said that ... tom night is hair, nails and wax night and then Saturday is drink day buuuuut... then next week Wed is a public holiday and Chantelles birthday on Thurs, so I can only imagine that we will party on Tuesday evening.

Please Lord, let me once again drink myself into utter beauty to love and honor and be good to everyone.  Let me supply the entertainment as only our beloved Naughty Natalie can.  What am I saying..... I am trying to drink less here dammit....NOT more.....

Have a good one ya'll

ANTS,,,,fucken ANTS!!!!

Oh boy, so Janet is down with Rooikoppie from Wales and its been going fantastic so far.  We all went to Gansbaai on Saturday so that Rooikoppie and Chantelle could go and swim with the sharks...  I just kept telling Channy that if the shark approaches the cage, she must not fear, just shove Rooikoppie infront of her....LOL.  Jokes aside I like the redhead.... she on the other hand..... well lets not go to what she likes shall we.  I think due to being Welsh it might me a disadvantage.  Janet is not disadvantaged though as she used to live in South Africa and has picked up alot of our dutchman mannerisms.  

Last Sunday we had a welcome to Cape Town Janet and Zoe and a happy birthday Debbie braai.  What a fantastic surprise I got when Shane made me a huge pink birthday cake, with 2 piece costume on it and all.  I really had a great day.  I even ate  the  costume top on the cake,  however,....... thinking I was fantastic and fabulous and hot and of course we all know Naughty Natalie came out to play, ...  I had this fucken huge cheshire grin on my face, smiling romantically at any and every man in my path,  totally unaware that my teeth were pitch black .... BLACK .... How could that possibly be considered beautiful?  Oh well, I was Vodkad up so to me I was hot.... 

Not to sure if it was Janet or Bones or my mum, but someone threw me into the pool..... I know this cos I have the bruises.  Now I know they are going to deny this but who on Gods Green earth would want to hurt themselves the way I got hurt.  No, I stand by it..... It was them, mixed with Vodka of course....

Anyway, after Gansbaai, Janet and Zoe took my mum with them to PE to go and visit my Kimmie, and of course go and see some of Welshies family up there.  I came home with Channy and Paytton.

Now here comes some interesting tidbits.... You see, I now have the house to myself.  I did not want anyone there cos I wanted peace and quiet.  Which I do have NOW.... anyhow,.. let me not get carried away and rather tell you what happened.

After Lionel left with Channy and Paytton, I was so happy to do what I want that I hopped in my pool naked.  Hell yea... it was fabulous.  I took of my sarong and put that on the side of the pool on the grass.  After cleaning the pool and relaxing.... give me about an hour here, I got out the pool... put on the sarong and toddled into the house to get cracking on setting up the pvr to record my programs for the week.  Laying ontop of my bed, I got a horrible feeling of things moving on me.... I swiped an ant... on me... then another... then another....well now, let me tell you, I was so scared that the ants got in all my crevices cos there were BILLIONS I tell you all over the bloody sarong... that I hopped in the shower .....  felt loads better and then got back on the bed to resume the recordings.  Ha, what a fucken laugh... there were ants on my bed.  I swear to you I was ant lunch... I could feel it... revenge of the ants... Hell no... Next time I will put my sarong on a chair or a table but NEVER ever on the ground again....

Now just waiting for them all to come home on Thursday and see where the wind takes us... Yay  its exciting..

Oh gosh.... Aran is racing this weekend.  Eeeeek... its vodka time.... Oh dear oh dear....

diet? What the hell

Wonderful!!!!!  A friend and I are on these Chinese diet pills. I thought Karen was crazy to go on these but hey, who are we to say anything, anyhow, I voluntarily went on this with her.  A journey together of losing weight.  A lot of weight.  A hellova lot of weight or so we thought. And of course BONUS, there are 2 of us doing it and we are both gonna be thin, cos you know..... DIET PILLS WORK, that's why everyone is thin...Anyway, someone always knows someone that's been on a particular diet pill and of course that person has lost LOADS of weight, so why would it be different for Karen and I.

After being on them for 3 weeks I was of the opinion that it was not/is not working......however my dear friends and frenemies and all who have been on any and every diet in the book,  after 3 weeks I finally noticed something.  

Before I carry on with the story though, I would like to fill you in on the fact that my bathroom is out of bounds.  It has been since last week Tuesday.  A leak was found in the bathroom so we had to get the builders in and while they were at it, we had the plumbers in and are in the process of a bit of renovations.  Its been fun showering at the neighbour whose shower was funky in as much as the water runs down in a circle, whereas you stand in the middle of the shower you get bugger all buddy.  You gotta run around to get the water.  I am NOT complaining, it was wonderful that my Shane allowed us all to go and shower, it has just been so inconvenient for everyone, including Shanes' poor household that had to assist us all.  Yesterday the tilers came in to complete the tiling and of course, due to all the cement etc etc we were unable to use the toilet as well last night.  ERGO NO BATHROOM period.  

While all this wonderful work is going on at the house, we are all excited and of course I am taking my fucken fantastic Chinese diet pills...... which at this stage (3 weeks) I was convinced was not working.   However, now that there is no bathroom, specially no toilet,  it finally dawned on me.... These Chinese pills make you run to the toilet when you know you cant.... I have realized that when you eat anything fatty, THEN and only then do the Chinese, wonderful, never worked for 3 fucken weeks pills, decide to work.  Now don't be mistaken here,  I have eaten fatty things in the past 3 weeks for heavens sake, who hasn't..... But its only last night that I had no access to a bloody toilet in my own home that the Chinese wonderful shitty pills decide to work.  You know, most women wont crap in their own loo if a man (even a husband, live in lover, boyfriend) is in the vicinity.  Now imagine, I have builders re-laminating the dinning room floor, and I have tilers in the bathroom and I get that feeling.... you know... the one where your stomach starts cramping cos hells bells, its having its own little party there.... I KNOW I cant ask the tiler to leave the bathroom cos I KNOW its a big bad one.  They never smell but its gonna cos it need to embarrass you.  And its gonna be loud cos there are loads of people working in your house.  No dear, you then have to ask your neighbours son, screaming, shouting for him to open the door so that you have access to a loo..... Only because you cant use your own.  Ya, what a bloody ordeal with the Chinese diet pills.  YOU can ALL lose weight on it.... just eat something fatty and make sure there is no loo.  It sure as shit will work for you.  

I am back to looking for a sponsor for some lapband for me..... seriously people... this is SHIT!!!!!

Enjoy your day further and hopefully you all have access to a toilet....

Poor Poncho

Holy shit, its been forever since I have last blogged.  A lot has happened since then.  Many friends have fallen pregnant, some friends have dissappeard some have reappeared and well... some friends just stay the same.

Our house however has gone through some serious changes.  Had solar heating put in for that massive massive Olympic pool I built myself.. Yeah, the problem is now though that on hot days, the pool is so damn hot and yet on overcast days, the pool is cool.. WTF.  I need lessons here people.  Dont be mistaken I am NOT grumbling, I am loving the fact that I can now stay in the water for 8 hours and wrinkle up and its not cold.  Yes please. I do recall birthday parties et al where I have been sent back to the pool due to *limp legs*? perhaps, who knows but ya, it was crazy dont know how the solar heating is going to contribute to this now.

I called the insurance as I was sure the toilet was leaking and they sent out a plumber and whala,.... there was a leak but it was in the wall.  This was my opportunity to have the shower moved etc, but you all know the Rattex Queen.  Things HAVE TO stay her way till after its all been done and fixed and then she will say.  You know Debbie, they should have....blah blah blah.  Anyway, I made SMALL changes to the bathroom and she was happy.  The tilers came in yesterday to take all the tiles off the wall and do whatever else.  After they left, things looked normal.  When I woke up this morning, the shower and the taps that had been moved, were laying on the ground in the shower.  OMG... what the hell?  Had to phone the plumber again so I will see him in a bit.

Now about my darlin lil Poncho that was raped by Ryk Neetling the cat, aka Hulk the fucken horrible after he became a pain in the arse eventually.  Poncho has gone to have her lady bits sorted so that she wont slut around with that dreadful cat that wants to piss all over my house.  When Toya and Rattex Queen were catching Poncho and putting her in the box, I walked away.  I dont want Poncho to be pissed at me.  She is my guard cat after all.  Anyway, when I took Toya to the bus stop with Poncho in the box  I spoke quietly to Toya and in Afrikaans so that Poncho would not recognize my voice and just be mad at Rattex and Toya.  I am hoping it worked.  Will see Poncho tomorrow and give her loads of love and hope and pray its not me that she is gonna take her pissed off mood out on.

And a solid whoop cos Jan is coming to SA and arriving the day before my birthday.  SO damn happy about that I tell ya.  So very very happy..... Oooooh and she is taking the Rattex Queen to Gansbaai and to Port Elizabeth for a short while.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO YA'LL.....

What a kak-astophe

Oh my word, I havent blogged for ages.  I have been on leave and now in all honesty need leave from my leave.  Have Janine here from Johannesburg and Channy from the States.  It has been chaos mayhem, you name it, it happened.  Every night and every single day has been busy.  Party party party I tell you, party till you drop.

I am glad to report that my hair is finally growing after the gas stove decided to shorten it A LOT...A HELLOVA LOT.... However, I think its my smoking thats the problem.  Do consider, that I lit a cigarette 2 nights ago while playing 30 seconds (complete different version) and gosh, blow me over with a fucken feather, but I burnt my eyelashes.  Whatever next... and it was one of those Western Cape lighters you know, those that blow like a torch.. yea me and gas and smoking.... its the bomb...wait dont let me say that I might blow myself up next time...

As for 30 seconds, Chantelle introduced us to a new version.  All you have to do is be brilliant and explain all 10 things on the card, no moving anything on a board.  If however nobody gets what you are trying to explain or show or charade with, then you have to drink.... Imagine that.... a drinking game...LOL... never thought I was so well educated I tell ya... had it down to pat... there was no way, my alcohol wanted to allow any blood into its stream.  It was not allowing it...

A New Year, and a new attitude.  Every day when we get up, we have to give everyone positive affirmations for the day... So to all you out there, have a bloody good year.  I know I am going to.  To all of those that are preggies, may your spawns be what you want them too.  Proper humans...LOL... ARG ok dammit, may your precious ity little bitty ones be what you want....

To those that need blood, please do not ask me to donate as it has vacated the space it used in my body.. It has moved out and made space for alcohol.... I know it will be coming back shortly to occupy the space, but till then, I have to wait....after all, a car load of alcohol had been delivered to my house after a yacht party.  What can I say, people care....

Oooooh and about my home made brew... OMG it tastes devine.  Its stronger that witblitz I tell ya.  One glass and you are done, but hey, what can I say except that I am an exceptional winemaker....hehehe

Personally I am scared of Chantelle and Janine.  They drink and drink and drink, and then I drink, but thankfully I am not a big drinker...except for special occasions.