I have not blogged for so long, its a bit bizarre to find myself back at this space.
So much has happened, from being my mothers mother, to putting her to rest and now starting to do things for myself by myself and just with myself is kinda weird, but that's for another day, and another story. For now though, I need to speak about crushing! While my mother was bed ridden, this one and I have been emailing. You know that person, the one that keeps a smile on your face and cheers you up without even knowing they do it for you? The one that is your bit of fun and sanity in an insane situation? The one that makes you look forward to the next day and to what you can expect in terms of communication? Having such a crush on someone is too much fun! Here is a gentleman that works in my complex and wow, I have awesome views etc. I am quite good at watching him. Stalker-ish kinda, but hey, be that as it may, the views are awesome! It's an industrial area so its all bland and you know, just buildings, and then amidst the buildings, this adonis walks around here. Listen, I might be exaggerating here somewhat, but in my eyes, he is beautiful!!! By beautiful I mean inside and out! Such a gentle soul, so nice, so kind, so awesome. I honestly do not know him well but the little that I do, I can just say he is fantastic! We have been communicating via email but I don't think he gets it.!! I do not think he realises that I am shy when I see him. I can't speak, I fluster, I giggle and I babble, and then after having spoken, my mind then goes over the ridiculous conversation and I think, Oh Lord, he thinks I am crazy! I should have said.. Oh why did I say that! I cannot answer this man properly in any shape or form. I can once he has walked away. Hell yes, then my mind comes back and then I can say what I want or should have said but .. Oh sweet gummy berry juice its quite embarrassing and too late cos the moment was over...... So here I am, well put together, or so I believe and then I can't talk. I can't slap myself as that would really look bad and make me look crazy so, I just talk to myself all day!! Shit aint progressing though, so we are at a standstill right now. I mail him, he responds, I get excited and zap off another 7 or 8,with no response from him... Ok so I overdo it, but wouldn't you too if you have something this glorious to look at all day. I have a few hiccups now and then, more often than not actually. Here is one thing to know factually, I have not been in a relationship or any kinda dating for many many years, so right now, I am clueless actually.
Right now I wanna die of embarrassment as I THINK of situations that has really made me cringe and want to hide. Let me start with about 2 weeks ago...... I had put myself on an email hiatus from Mr Lush, as I
sent him plenty the Friday before as I had a hangover. Oh Glory can I type when I am hungover... I don't even want to think about it. So the following Monday I came in and
sent him an email apologizing for my errant ways on Friday. And then I decided
that's it!! NO MORE MAILS FOR MR!! Its done. I am now going to see if he
thinks I am worthy of him. I know I am but you know, I don't want to be
the constant initiator.. anyhow, so not emailing him and just spotting
him sporadically, its fine, not mailing... for real I quit for a bit. Then, I go to the bathroom and well, lets just say I ate a cabbage stew the previous night and well, we all know what happens. While on the loo, I hear someone at my gate calling me ...** Hey missy, hello are you
here missy?*** Fuck, its him, at the gate calling me!!! I just say, hang on, I am coming cant a girl pee in
peace. I pull the chain, and I come to the door. here he stands in
all his glory. Me, I laugh, well giggle. He explains there is no
water at their premises as the plumbers are busy there. He tells me he has to wash his hands.. fuck fuck I cant let him in!!! So I give him a
non water hand wash, he then shows me his hands and says he needs to rinse
them........ OMG I let him in, he goes straight to my bathroom here....... I have
no idea whether there is a lingering smell,..... nanda.. I just stand here RED
IN THE FACE.. and I cannot stop giggling... He cleans his hands and continues
speaking to me. I have NO IDEA what he said, I just giggle.......... but
I am not mailing him. Went to the bathroom after he left... no smell..... thank
heavens!!
Today, Oh sweet heaven earth swallow me up.... Today I want to cringe of embarrassment. Not sure where it is but..... You know the inside part of your shoe... that thing....it was in my shoe when I left for work this morning.. That I can promise you, Got to work, went over to him to return the his tieback he gave me yesterday. Not a tie tie, the thing you use to tie things up... I got some from him to sort out the water from the gutters to the pool. Anyhow, I go over there, see his brother and his his business partner in the office, and strange they all leave when I get there, give it back to him, say thank you, smile, chat for a split second, although red in the face one can imagine, and say good bye and leave. I was so cool, or at the very least want to be so cool.............I get back to my office to find the inside of my shoe is gone. nooooooooooooooo OMG no this is not happening. Please heaven tell me its not in his office and all the males there can see it... NO, this is not happening. Kinda Cinderella-ish except the glass slipper is the innard. Swallow me whole now please earth!!!!
This is all about lifes little journeys. Good and Bad, even happy and sad.
Friday, 15 June 2018
Monday, 27 February 2017
Debbie does.... Diesel
I actually just found this in my draft. This one quite a couple of months old. In fact, its soooo last year, I don't know why it was in the draft, but well here goes, am now posting it.
Well now, I haven't blogged for ever and a day. However, I thought it wise to warn people that I now drive a Vivaro, that is diesel and its BIG.... really REEEEAAAALLY BIG!!!
I got my PDP licence and now I may drive people around. Fear not people fear not...... this is not my full time employment, although, now that I think about it, the more I drive, the safer you would all be. Just let it be known that I am a confident and competent driver. (have no idea what others have to say but thats my take)
Anyway, yesterday I did my first driving in the *Aravan*.. Yeah, that's how Aran named his vehicle and it is apt. So here I am, trying to mull it over in my head about what actually happened yesterday, and how far I have come, and to tell all you lucky sods, that you don't have worry, as Aran did not fire me, so I can and will still drive you all around! (if you like living on the edge that is) or not... I am getting better you know. This is a promise to those who are a little scared. I suggest you drink first, it would make it easier!!!
Here is the breakdown of the day.
1. Excitement, apprehension, panic... fuck fuck fuck
2. Drive to collect clients, all the while speaking to myself out loud... cos that what one does right!
3. Once I collected the clients, the nerves kicked in, but hey, I talk a lot so I thought to just .....
talk, you know, be chipper, be confident, be a damn good driver... shit shit shit how am I gonna
do this...Pep talk to myself.. You can do this Debbie you can do this. When I realized that they
were not a talkative bunch, I backed off... (I think I should have realized going up the first hill
that perhaps they were in fear at this stage. Well possibly, as I was going up that hill slower than
a tortoise having to stretch its neck getting a piece of lettuce 1 cm away.
4. After I dropped them off at the first stop, I decided to do a trial run for the next stop. Thank
heavens I took THAT initiative as I hopped a pavement, knocked the rim of the rear wheel
(not badly ok, just enough to give me a moerse fright and realize that I have to take much wider
turns to get round short corners, and then, then I had to face my bigger fear, that damned 40 deg hill. This was not going to go well...... Up and down I drove, over and over I practiced.
5. Picked up clients for the second drop. That was easy!!! As I go around the first corner the one lady in the back asks me casually, *Do you do drifting?* Drifting........Oh shit oh shit, oooooh shit, I am going to fast around the corners, these people are getting whiplash in the back there!. Right,... gotta get it together. First, when going round a corner, go slower!!! You have the steering wheel to hang on to, they have bugger all in the back .. . eeeeek.
6. Going SLOW around the corners - check,
Going WIDE around the corner - check.
Dropping clients off at 2nd stop safely - check
Trying to get up that bloody awful hill was horrible.. just a bloody nightmare. I get home, cry to my son that I cant do it and that he must go and collect the clients etc. He absolutely refuses. Tells me that I have to do it as its not good business to have different drivers for same clients. Fuck!!! He then takes me to where there are hills and makes me pull away. I cannot do this. this damn van goes so slow!!! It has no power. My son then tells me that it is in fact a TURBO DIESEL, and I must pull away and not put foot, but wait for the diesel to kick in, and the van will go fast. OH MY GOD!!! something that simple......... !!! Something that simple and I would not have had a mental breakdown. WOW. I go and fetch the clients and drive them up that dreadful hill, with easy........why? Oh because I now KNOW how to drive turbo diesel.
Hope you all have a fantastic day further. Remember life is what you make of it. If you are happy and exude happiness, it will come to ;you. What you put out there comes back.. My clients got home safe in the end. No people were hurt in this exercise.
Soon soon xoxo
Well now, I haven't blogged for ever and a day. However, I thought it wise to warn people that I now drive a Vivaro, that is diesel and its BIG.... really REEEEAAAALLY BIG!!!
I got my PDP licence and now I may drive people around. Fear not people fear not...... this is not my full time employment, although, now that I think about it, the more I drive, the safer you would all be. Just let it be known that I am a confident and competent driver. (have no idea what others have to say but thats my take)
Anyway, yesterday I did my first driving in the *Aravan*.. Yeah, that's how Aran named his vehicle and it is apt. So here I am, trying to mull it over in my head about what actually happened yesterday, and how far I have come, and to tell all you lucky sods, that you don't have worry, as Aran did not fire me, so I can and will still drive you all around! (if you like living on the edge that is) or not... I am getting better you know. This is a promise to those who are a little scared. I suggest you drink first, it would make it easier!!!
Here is the breakdown of the day.
1. Excitement, apprehension, panic... fuck fuck fuck
2. Drive to collect clients, all the while speaking to myself out loud... cos that what one does right!
3. Once I collected the clients, the nerves kicked in, but hey, I talk a lot so I thought to just .....
talk, you know, be chipper, be confident, be a damn good driver... shit shit shit how am I gonna
do this...Pep talk to myself.. You can do this Debbie you can do this. When I realized that they
were not a talkative bunch, I backed off... (I think I should have realized going up the first hill
that perhaps they were in fear at this stage. Well possibly, as I was going up that hill slower than
a tortoise having to stretch its neck getting a piece of lettuce 1 cm away.
4. After I dropped them off at the first stop, I decided to do a trial run for the next stop. Thank
heavens I took THAT initiative as I hopped a pavement, knocked the rim of the rear wheel
(not badly ok, just enough to give me a moerse fright and realize that I have to take much wider
turns to get round short corners, and then, then I had to face my bigger fear, that damned 40 deg hill. This was not going to go well...... Up and down I drove, over and over I practiced.
5. Picked up clients for the second drop. That was easy!!! As I go around the first corner the one lady in the back asks me casually, *Do you do drifting?* Drifting........Oh shit oh shit, oooooh shit, I am going to fast around the corners, these people are getting whiplash in the back there!. Right,... gotta get it together. First, when going round a corner, go slower!!! You have the steering wheel to hang on to, they have bugger all in the back .. . eeeeek.
6. Going SLOW around the corners - check,
Going WIDE around the corner - check.
Dropping clients off at 2nd stop safely - check
Trying to get up that bloody awful hill was horrible.. just a bloody nightmare. I get home, cry to my son that I cant do it and that he must go and collect the clients etc. He absolutely refuses. Tells me that I have to do it as its not good business to have different drivers for same clients. Fuck!!! He then takes me to where there are hills and makes me pull away. I cannot do this. this damn van goes so slow!!! It has no power. My son then tells me that it is in fact a TURBO DIESEL, and I must pull away and not put foot, but wait for the diesel to kick in, and the van will go fast. OH MY GOD!!! something that simple......... !!! Something that simple and I would not have had a mental breakdown. WOW. I go and fetch the clients and drive them up that dreadful hill, with easy........why? Oh because I now KNOW how to drive turbo diesel.
Hope you all have a fantastic day further. Remember life is what you make of it. If you are happy and exude happiness, it will come to ;you. What you put out there comes back.. My clients got home safe in the end. No people were hurt in this exercise.
Soon soon xoxo
Tuesday, 1 September 2015
Debbie does ...: Getting flashed by a taxi jockey
Debbie does ...: Getting flashed by a taxi jockey: This morning, along with every other morning, I get pissed off driving to work. I get really really pissed off, as we are all sitting in ou...
Getting flashed by a taxi jockey
This morning, along with every other morning, I get pissed off driving to work. I get really really pissed off, as we are all sitting in our vehicles, waiting our turn to go. Then along comes a taxi, and zooms past us on the wrong side of the road and cuts off traffic and hey, its ok, cos most of us, sit in our vehicles and get annoyed and call them names, but never do anything.
This is the third time I have zipped into the oncoming lane in Table View in South Road, to prevent a taxi from riding like a doos. They come down the road at a hellova speed, andwe all just sit and wait our turn. I say NO MORE!! This morning as I looked in my rear view and side mirror and saw the taxi coming, I pulled out and then pulled up NEXT to the vehicle that was infront of me. The taxi driver skidded to a halt behind me, and made movements as if he was going to take me off the road. His jockey or whatever you call the idiot that does the screaming and shouting and collecting of money, jumped out of the taxi and ran towards my window calling me all sorts of names. I laughed and swore at him and said, get back in your box, we are ALL waiting to get to work. Not moving out the taxis way, the dude in the vehicle next to me smiled and waved and showed that I could move into the traffic infront of him. I did not want to so I stayed where I was till the taxi pulled in where my car was behind the vehicle. The taxi then pulled back into the oncoming traffic in an attempt to frighten me to move out of the way. I am menopausal you doos!!!!! It aint gonna work!!!. I then get into the traffic and as I pull into it, the taxi goes past on the wrong side and shows me the finger. All good. As I get onto Koeberg road, he is infront of me. There I am, getting ready to take a photo of the taxis registration number as I am going to complain about it.....
I click away but of course, the pics are skew and really shitty, I keep at it though. All of a sudden the taxi stops, and the taxi jockey hops out and dances infront of the registration number so that I cant take a pic. ... I show him the middle finger!!! He then turns around, and pulls down his pants. I mean do I really wanna see a fat arse?? I have one already ffs!!!, Oh wait, this idiot has nooooo idea I am menopausal and a fucken lunatic... I put foot on the accelerator .. my car jolts forward, this idiot does not even have time to pull up his pants, but leaps out of the way in time (dammit), and then swipes my car with his bag as I drive past, calling me terrible names!!! Sis on him!! Get in my way, and I will ride you over mother fucker!! Stop threatening us. Learn to drive and we will all get along fine.
Till then taxi man......... I wait for you!! Remember......, when you see a crazy woman, wonder whether its me and my menopause. be scared....be very scared!!!!.
This is the third time I have zipped into the oncoming lane in Table View in South Road, to prevent a taxi from riding like a doos. They come down the road at a hellova speed, andwe all just sit and wait our turn. I say NO MORE!! This morning as I looked in my rear view and side mirror and saw the taxi coming, I pulled out and then pulled up NEXT to the vehicle that was infront of me. The taxi driver skidded to a halt behind me, and made movements as if he was going to take me off the road. His jockey or whatever you call the idiot that does the screaming and shouting and collecting of money, jumped out of the taxi and ran towards my window calling me all sorts of names. I laughed and swore at him and said, get back in your box, we are ALL waiting to get to work. Not moving out the taxis way, the dude in the vehicle next to me smiled and waved and showed that I could move into the traffic infront of him. I did not want to so I stayed where I was till the taxi pulled in where my car was behind the vehicle. The taxi then pulled back into the oncoming traffic in an attempt to frighten me to move out of the way. I am menopausal you doos!!!!! It aint gonna work!!!. I then get into the traffic and as I pull into it, the taxi goes past on the wrong side and shows me the finger. All good. As I get onto Koeberg road, he is infront of me. There I am, getting ready to take a photo of the taxis registration number as I am going to complain about it.....
I click away but of course, the pics are skew and really shitty, I keep at it though. All of a sudden the taxi stops, and the taxi jockey hops out and dances infront of the registration number so that I cant take a pic. ... I show him the middle finger!!! He then turns around, and pulls down his pants. I mean do I really wanna see a fat arse?? I have one already ffs!!!, Oh wait, this idiot has nooooo idea I am menopausal and a fucken lunatic... I put foot on the accelerator .. my car jolts forward, this idiot does not even have time to pull up his pants, but leaps out of the way in time (dammit), and then swipes my car with his bag as I drive past, calling me terrible names!!! Sis on him!! Get in my way, and I will ride you over mother fucker!! Stop threatening us. Learn to drive and we will all get along fine.
Till then taxi man......... I wait for you!! Remember......, when you see a crazy woman, wonder whether its me and my menopause. be scared....be very scared!!!!.
Monday, 22 June 2015
All things fat
I am a fat woman. Yes, fat. I diet, all the bloody time. Is it helping ...NO. why? perhaps cos I eat when happy, eat when sad, eat when there is a party, eat when its hot , eat when its cold....eat 3 meals a day, eat one meal a day. Does it matter. Yes it does. Is there an EA (eaters anonymous) No... One has to eat... fuckit!!!! Do I want to be fat? a resounding NO. Do I accept that I am fat.... uhm, sure but one has to define the acceptance. Firstly, when I dream, I am thin in my dreams, when I drink, I drink myself thin and think I am Demi Moore, however when I am sober, THAT is a vastly different story.
I have not come to terms with my situation, and its not a new thing either. I accept that in all things related to my weight, I procrastinate very much, in the sense that it takes me for ever to believe that I am actually fat. Looking in the mirror dispels my thin thoughts, but only for a brief moment... walking away, I am once again thinner... Its just a thing I have. I dont think its helping me on my road to losing it.... but its a real thing.
I dont like that I am fat, and I dont for a minute believe that anyone that is overweight likes it. (ok perhaps there are one or two, but definitely in the minority). I do however accept that I am fat.
Being menopausal certainly does not help. It makes me a grumpy fat at times. That just pisses me off so much. I am generally a happy person and joke all the time.... (yes its true fat people joke, but one must remember thin people do it too). I know its out there that fat people are funny, but thats got nothing to do with our weight.. Its our personality... get it... Being told that I mustnt lose weight cos then I wont be so funny is just beyond bizarre. I was funny when I was skinny you retarded bitch!!!!! that shit has not changed...., my personality has not changed..... My SIZE changed... the rest.... the rest is all me... Being hormonal is not for the faint hearted. Its like my internal flip switch on the thermos and the emotions just goes buck wild when it feels like it. It doesnt give me a heads up to say, hey Missy in 5 minutes, you are gonna lose your shit over something small, oh and, dont forget the heat wave, thats gonna hit in 10 minutes. Oops you are in a public place and cant undress.... my bad!! That shit is real.... Drinking is not an option to get over it, as alcohol makes me hot as well...but that could also be cos I think I am Demi Moore and sexy and can do it... Shit, either way, its a bad idea.
Being kinda pretty helps somewhat... not a whole lot but somewhat.... I remember a guy wanting to take me to a company dance and actually had the balls to tell me that I was gorgeous and fabulous and would love to take me to his dance but that my size put him off.... arsehole!!!! Do guys think its easy for us to show our cellulite? to show our long tits?// Now that is a very real problem with fat girls who have very big tits. The weight pulls them down so they become long...Thankfully you dont have to roll them up to fit them in the bra, one just lifts it and it sure fills the big bra!!!
Ok so the bottom line is............. I am fat and I do not like it but I do accept it unwillingly. Take it or leave it, being fat is not a want, nor a need, its a fucken disaster.... but hey.... I shall continue on my quest to lose the weight.
So long y'all be good and keep on eating..
I have not come to terms with my situation, and its not a new thing either. I accept that in all things related to my weight, I procrastinate very much, in the sense that it takes me for ever to believe that I am actually fat. Looking in the mirror dispels my thin thoughts, but only for a brief moment... walking away, I am once again thinner... Its just a thing I have. I dont think its helping me on my road to losing it.... but its a real thing.
I dont like that I am fat, and I dont for a minute believe that anyone that is overweight likes it. (ok perhaps there are one or two, but definitely in the minority). I do however accept that I am fat.
Being menopausal certainly does not help. It makes me a grumpy fat at times. That just pisses me off so much. I am generally a happy person and joke all the time.... (yes its true fat people joke, but one must remember thin people do it too). I know its out there that fat people are funny, but thats got nothing to do with our weight.. Its our personality... get it... Being told that I mustnt lose weight cos then I wont be so funny is just beyond bizarre. I was funny when I was skinny you retarded bitch!!!!! that shit has not changed...., my personality has not changed..... My SIZE changed... the rest.... the rest is all me... Being hormonal is not for the faint hearted. Its like my internal flip switch on the thermos and the emotions just goes buck wild when it feels like it. It doesnt give me a heads up to say, hey Missy in 5 minutes, you are gonna lose your shit over something small, oh and, dont forget the heat wave, thats gonna hit in 10 minutes. Oops you are in a public place and cant undress.... my bad!! That shit is real.... Drinking is not an option to get over it, as alcohol makes me hot as well...but that could also be cos I think I am Demi Moore and sexy and can do it... Shit, either way, its a bad idea.
Being kinda pretty helps somewhat... not a whole lot but somewhat.... I remember a guy wanting to take me to a company dance and actually had the balls to tell me that I was gorgeous and fabulous and would love to take me to his dance but that my size put him off.... arsehole!!!! Do guys think its easy for us to show our cellulite? to show our long tits?// Now that is a very real problem with fat girls who have very big tits. The weight pulls them down so they become long...Thankfully you dont have to roll them up to fit them in the bra, one just lifts it and it sure fills the big bra!!!
Ok so the bottom line is............. I am fat and I do not like it but I do accept it unwillingly. Take it or leave it, being fat is not a want, nor a need, its a fucken disaster.... but hey.... I shall continue on my quest to lose the weight.
So long y'all be good and keep on eating..
Wednesday, 13 May 2015
Dating and sex
Going out on dates are absolute fun. Or should I say "old school dating"
is loads of fun, and you know whether you are going to have sex afterwards or
not. Those are the dates when you go out
with your friends and you meet a random guy and smile at each other across the
room, and, you know, flirt and be cryptic and then swop numbers to go out on a
date. Thinking about the date and
getting ready is just as exciting and elicits butterflies in the stomach. You would have changed your outfit about a
million times, tried different shoes, different make up. When he finally comes to pick you up to take
you out for dinner, or drinks, the banter is great and you already have your
flirty pants on, as we all want to be liked, and you know, let's be honest if
he is hot, it's going to end in bed. What you do in bed would obviously depend
on how much you drank, let's just talk about that for a second, as we all have
drinking goggles!! Having now spend time
with the guy, and drinking wine, or the preferred whisky in my case, whether you like it or not, you are liking him
more by the minute, unless he is a proper tool, and you are put off, then you
just drink to make the night go quicker, but beware, if you are a pleaser and
you want to be liked, this is where the bus should stop before you start
gargling your words!!! Make an exit and
FAST!!! or else,.... you are going to get laid even if you did not want it in
the first place.
Having sex on a first date is taboo for some people. Even those that have sex on first dates, as
they have been taught to hold out until the third date or even 3 months, or
Bless those that do hold out to marriage!!!!
Never quite got that one, as you either like the person or you don't,
and if you do, well, it's on I believe and loads of people put out on first
dates. Not necessarily all the way, a
blow job here, a bit of cunnilingus there, a hand job, that would depend on
your date and how you felt about him at that time. You see, sometimes the date
starts well and ends really shitty, and it doesnt take much to make it go
either way.... He could just burp or fart and you could be put off, or you
could just be that drunk and not care for his manners, and that's when you end
the date because my dears, if you continue to drink, you are going have sex...
all the way sex..!!! ! It's going to happen. It might be shitty sex, who knows,
but let me tell you, it's going to happen. If you end up spending the night at
his place and you wake up, it could be awkward. The previous nights shenanigans are a blur,
you feel hungover, but hey, you might get a morning after shag, and then do the
walk of shame leaving his place wearing your clothes from the previous
evening. Who knows dears, but let's just
say that I believe sex and dating are good bed fellows!!!
Now, if we talk about *new age dating*, those are the ones
you pick up on the net. Those are the
scary ones. You get the pic of the super hot guy or super hot chick, and it
transpires they actually have 24 more zits than the pic shows, but hey, because
you want to be nice you are going to give it a try... RUN... run for your
bloody life darlings, those are the con artists of the world and your panty
would be at your ankle in 2 seconds after you sat down, if you did not hold the
elastic in your hand. I have an
experience with this 1st hand, so I will keep this short, and fill your dating
do's and don'ts when next we meet.
READ THIS and many many more stories in ALL THIS AND MORE... A NEW ONLINE MAGAZINE.
Wednesday, 15 April 2015
My Robber Stopper!!!
I just want to say, living in South Africa today, is a sport. Yep, you have to be able to run fast, or freeze on the spot. The amount of robberies and killings and raping happening is staggering. And here we are sitting ducks...but ducks we don't always have to be. We do not have to be locked up in our homes, to feel safe, cos its our homes they are after too. The content and whatever the hell they can get their hands on is all up for grabs. They just want want want...but the only WANT they don't want is to want to work!!
Anyway, after all of that, about 3 weeks ago, in the wee hours of the morning I heard a very loud thud.. LOUD. I thought perhaps it was a tremor, it was not a sound I was familiar with. I got up and went to check the front door and all was well. My car was still there, so it was all good. I went back to bed not knowing that if I had looked out of my window, I would probably have laughed the whole neighbourhood awake and taken pictures. I went back to sleep not thinking much cos it all looked good.
I woke up in the morning, and opened my curtains............and there it was....proof , absolute proof that some miscreant wanted to do some affirmative action shopping in my house. Who else jumps over your wall in the dead of the night like a criminal, but a criminal??? And this is where I was shocked. He jumped over my wall and landed on my cactus plant!!! He fell down so hard, that he actually broke the pot that the cactus plant was in. Now I ask you with tears in my eyes, how the hell did he not scream??? I have a cactus with very long thorns!!! Justice I tell you, justice. I am keeping my eyes open for some bloke walking around holding his arse, cos if he does not get it seen too, those thorn pricks will get septic...shame ... NOT tsk tsk..
EPIC FAIL for him.... Now I am getting cacti all around my parameter wall, and will await the next visitor....
Anyway, after all of that, about 3 weeks ago, in the wee hours of the morning I heard a very loud thud.. LOUD. I thought perhaps it was a tremor, it was not a sound I was familiar with. I got up and went to check the front door and all was well. My car was still there, so it was all good. I went back to bed not knowing that if I had looked out of my window, I would probably have laughed the whole neighbourhood awake and taken pictures. I went back to sleep not thinking much cos it all looked good.
I woke up in the morning, and opened my curtains............and there it was....proof , absolute proof that some miscreant wanted to do some affirmative action shopping in my house. Who else jumps over your wall in the dead of the night like a criminal, but a criminal??? And this is where I was shocked. He jumped over my wall and landed on my cactus plant!!! He fell down so hard, that he actually broke the pot that the cactus plant was in. Now I ask you with tears in my eyes, how the hell did he not scream??? I have a cactus with very long thorns!!! Justice I tell you, justice. I am keeping my eyes open for some bloke walking around holding his arse, cos if he does not get it seen too, those thorn pricks will get septic...shame ... NOT tsk tsk..
EPIC FAIL for him.... Now I am getting cacti all around my parameter wall, and will await the next visitor....
Friday, 10 April 2015
Bird Feeder..Impressive read
Haven't heard it put this way before, but it's a great analogy.
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back patio and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.
Then came the shit... it was everywhere: on the patio tiles, the chairs, the table... everywhere ....
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even sit in my own back garden anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let's see..... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than our flag are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.
Wednesday, 19 November 2014
Tuesday, 18 November 2014
What the hell??? I NEVER knew
HOLY SHIT..... no for real..... all this time, years, and years, laxatives later, detoxing, juicing, dieting... any diet... name one you can name a 100, those are all the diets I have been on... Fuckit.... and the answer was right here... in a itsy bitsy little packet that costs 1-00 at the local shop.
So many years have passed, and I remained over weight. Even doing exercise and getting a personal trainer, I am overweight.... ok so i am muscling up big time, but then, I do know that cos I gotta lotta wobbles going on my body and while I excercise like a demon I am turning the wobble into muscle.. Well not like that but that the muscle grows and pushes the fat out the way. I just gotta wait to wobble less... Aaaannyhooo, I am digressing from my point.......
Last night the Rattex Queen told me to have a teaspoon of Epson Salt. No lies, that shit tastes bad man... horrible. She said it would do my skin the world of good. I mean, at 71 she should have knowledge right.... And then Sasha told me last week her mum had used it as well... So, who am I to disagree... I tried the epson salts. I had a teaspoon last night, and then I had a teaspoon this morning. Now I am NOT 100% sure if you need to do this twice a day or only once. Me, I did it twice cos thats who I am.. I always overdo everything.. More is always better in my eyes...
This morning, I get to work, Andrew is sitting at my desk. I loved it as I enjoy chatting to him and catching up etc, but for fucksakes, when you have 2 teaspons of epson salts in your body, its not good timing. I have never prayed to hard for Andrew to leave the office. I swear, I could shit through the eye of a needle... Its wonderful writing this blog, knowing I am sitting on the loo and getting thinner by the minute. Perhaps I have overdone it.. who knows, but hells bells, its gotta be good.. I think perhaps I did overdo, but aaaah well, will make right tomorrow.. (who knew, who bloody knew it was that simple)......
For now, the toilet is my friend...... and i LOVE IT!!!
Toodles noddles.
Wednesday, 12 November 2014
Whats a gal to do
You know, when there is fighting, and you are just there, not involved, not the middle man, just there, and things go awry, and all of a sudden, you have no office....ever had that??? I did!!! I was officeless for 3 weeks... whoooar.... that obviously gave me more tan time...for which I was grateful, however the sun wanted no part of it. The South Easter was blowing so hard, I had to wear a costume top or else my tits would have blown away... one to the left, the other.... who the hell knows, probably to right.... I constantly wanted to turn on the solar heating in the pool, but then the weather changes. Who knew what the hell was up with it. I put my back out so bad getting on the lilo, I looked like a mix between a ho and Russian gymnast on crack doing a double flip. I was not aware I was a contortionist. My body told me afterwards, in a long languid bath, that we were not on the same page or even speaking the same language. Strange that, cos I normally drink myself thin and yet I was sober trying to get on the lilo.. Anyway, I got some sun... Oh yeeee great God of sun... I lovest thee. and now the bloody wind is blowing again and its raining sporadically so once again i cant tan this afternoon.
All that aside, I had the opportunity to have a most amazing bit of a vay cay with some people. Life is weird eh, if it doesnt throw you a curve ball, it lines the stars up ..its always the one or the other. In this case, I would say I have a bit of both. I wont embellish on it much, however what I can and will say is...... when you know you have fucked up, and you accept it, then no matter who is with you on the journey, you are going to see it through to the end, and not let anyone ruin it for you. Ever been on holiday with a *anything you can do I can do better* or *any place you have been I have been better* or even *anything you have done, i have done more*....Aaaarg save me from people like that....I met the most amazing people, 2 other couples that did the bit of the adventure with us, were so much fun to hang out with..... So I got a bit of an attitude with the person, and then I realized its not their fault. She cant help who she is, but I can help who I am, and my choice is, accept that I did wrong and just go with the flow, knowing that after this, I have learnt that I can actually do what I want, and not have to be the softie to accept everything.
I got Channy to take my hair out 2 days prior then I had to get Tiara in to put it back on..... and then I had the false lashes glued on... Wowzer super glue delux, i now dont have eyelashes, but you know thats not an issue cos you just draw a dark eyeliner above your eye and whala....you can get away with it..
I have moved into the new office. Its hollow, so someone said I must put a plant in. Ok, but who the hell is gonna water the thing. I dont have green fingers amongst the things that I dont have. However they do say a boer maak n plan, so lets see. Perhaps I should go and buy myself a plant and see how long it lasts...I always give everything a try.. You never know, I might stumble upon my calling without even realizing it.
The Rattex Queen went to Durban to visit her sister for a short while..I was hoping it was gonna be three months but alas, it was only 5 weeks. In those 5 weeks, I absolutely transformed the dining room before she got back so that she could not give me her ideas. It looks amazingroom!!!! Everything in its place. So now I think I am an interior decorator... Pfffft. lets wait and see cos there is always something that can go wrong......
For now, its toodles noodles...... I just wanted to write a bit, and will be doing it sooner rather than later, as I am gonna be writing a blog for the beauty guru, a page that Tiara has set up. Could only be fun. I think she wants me to write on how NOT to do things....
All that aside, I had the opportunity to have a most amazing bit of a vay cay with some people. Life is weird eh, if it doesnt throw you a curve ball, it lines the stars up ..its always the one or the other. In this case, I would say I have a bit of both. I wont embellish on it much, however what I can and will say is...... when you know you have fucked up, and you accept it, then no matter who is with you on the journey, you are going to see it through to the end, and not let anyone ruin it for you. Ever been on holiday with a *anything you can do I can do better* or *any place you have been I have been better* or even *anything you have done, i have done more*....Aaaarg save me from people like that....I met the most amazing people, 2 other couples that did the bit of the adventure with us, were so much fun to hang out with..... So I got a bit of an attitude with the person, and then I realized its not their fault. She cant help who she is, but I can help who I am, and my choice is, accept that I did wrong and just go with the flow, knowing that after this, I have learnt that I can actually do what I want, and not have to be the softie to accept everything.
I got Channy to take my hair out 2 days prior then I had to get Tiara in to put it back on..... and then I had the false lashes glued on... Wowzer super glue delux, i now dont have eyelashes, but you know thats not an issue cos you just draw a dark eyeliner above your eye and whala....you can get away with it..
I have moved into the new office. Its hollow, so someone said I must put a plant in. Ok, but who the hell is gonna water the thing. I dont have green fingers amongst the things that I dont have. However they do say a boer maak n plan, so lets see. Perhaps I should go and buy myself a plant and see how long it lasts...I always give everything a try.. You never know, I might stumble upon my calling without even realizing it.
The Rattex Queen went to Durban to visit her sister for a short while..I was hoping it was gonna be three months but alas, it was only 5 weeks. In those 5 weeks, I absolutely transformed the dining room before she got back so that she could not give me her ideas. It looks amazingroom!!!! Everything in its place. So now I think I am an interior decorator... Pfffft. lets wait and see cos there is always something that can go wrong......
For now, its toodles noodles...... I just wanted to write a bit, and will be doing it sooner rather than later, as I am gonna be writing a blog for the beauty guru, a page that Tiara has set up. Could only be fun. I think she wants me to write on how NOT to do things....
Monday, 28 July 2014
My new best friend..Gotta love her!!!!!!!
Every single time I think I am gonna blog I get distracted. So now I finally sit here and just do it. And I happen to think its perfect timing.
Firstly let me apologize to those that know me, and even those that don't but that will be, or could be meeting me in the future. I have to apologize for being a bitch. A proper bitch... not a pretend one, a proper one and yet I am not cut from the bitch cloth, but oooh boy, its here, its in my mind and body... its my new best friend ........I have been avoiding meeting her but aaah, she finally come to to meet me fully.. Meet my new best friend ... her name is "Menopause". Once again, let me say I have to apologize in advance, for when I am going to be rude to you, or be mean or nasty..... These power surges I get.... I can no longer call it a tropical vacation, cos its up the antes... its way hotter than that, it equates to a power surge.. so ya.... Eskom I swear I can give you a run for your money.
These estrogen induced bipolar, manic depressive, with psychotic rages, shared with bouts of crying, is a full time new behavioral pattern. I never know who I am going to wake up as. Could be all smiles, could be totally pissed at the first person I see, or I could just be sad. I have learnt that I am able to cry at the drop of a hat. Anyone can say *how are you??* And that invokes crying..... but only on the cry days ok... ask me that shit on a Devil is here day, and you will quite possibly meet the foot up your arse, or a book thrown at you. When i have my double dose of psycho I see things my way... My way is the highway of late... Get outa my face!!!!!
And it gets better... much much better.... try losing weight when you are menopausal. If you have followed my blog you are well aware that I suck on a diet... Totally fucken suck ok!!! I have not lost weight since November last year.... however, I have gained... Yay is me... Oh wait.. thats my sarcastic button ....ooops. And after reading numerous articles on google... (Hell yes I google everything) and Wikipedia (sure sure but not as nice as google) I see that chances of me losing my weight is slimmer than a hen growing 2 front teeth. Imagine how that is pissing me off too.
The only thing good is Aran.. He just had his knee op and now is out of racing superbikes for the season. I hope its only the season cos cor blimey I would miss my drink like a deranged person days....
I got a nice little get together going this weekend. All the old gals (NOT age wise ok) coming over and then its the Rattex Queens birthday on Saturday.. OMG... Its going away. I am having it posted to Durban to visit her sister for a month. Bring on happy changes while she is gone....LOL... Oooops, but yes there will be plenty invites to get you all to come help with renovations...
So in conclusion I would like to say... I recon I am still a hot babe.... it only comes in flashes now though...
Be good ya'll and have a fabulous day..
Firstly let me apologize to those that know me, and even those that don't but that will be, or could be meeting me in the future. I have to apologize for being a bitch. A proper bitch... not a pretend one, a proper one and yet I am not cut from the bitch cloth, but oooh boy, its here, its in my mind and body... its my new best friend ........I have been avoiding meeting her but aaah, she finally come to to meet me fully.. Meet my new best friend ... her name is "Menopause". Once again, let me say I have to apologize in advance, for when I am going to be rude to you, or be mean or nasty..... These power surges I get.... I can no longer call it a tropical vacation, cos its up the antes... its way hotter than that, it equates to a power surge.. so ya.... Eskom I swear I can give you a run for your money.
These estrogen induced bipolar, manic depressive, with psychotic rages, shared with bouts of crying, is a full time new behavioral pattern. I never know who I am going to wake up as. Could be all smiles, could be totally pissed at the first person I see, or I could just be sad. I have learnt that I am able to cry at the drop of a hat. Anyone can say *how are you??* And that invokes crying..... but only on the cry days ok... ask me that shit on a Devil is here day, and you will quite possibly meet the foot up your arse, or a book thrown at you. When i have my double dose of psycho I see things my way... My way is the highway of late... Get outa my face!!!!!
And it gets better... much much better.... try losing weight when you are menopausal. If you have followed my blog you are well aware that I suck on a diet... Totally fucken suck ok!!! I have not lost weight since November last year.... however, I have gained... Yay is me... Oh wait.. thats my sarcastic button ....ooops. And after reading numerous articles on google... (Hell yes I google everything) and Wikipedia (sure sure but not as nice as google) I see that chances of me losing my weight is slimmer than a hen growing 2 front teeth. Imagine how that is pissing me off too.
The only thing good is Aran.. He just had his knee op and now is out of racing superbikes for the season. I hope its only the season cos cor blimey I would miss my drink like a deranged person days....
I got a nice little get together going this weekend. All the old gals (NOT age wise ok) coming over and then its the Rattex Queens birthday on Saturday.. OMG... Its going away. I am having it posted to Durban to visit her sister for a month. Bring on happy changes while she is gone....LOL... Oooops, but yes there will be plenty invites to get you all to come help with renovations...
So in conclusion I would like to say... I recon I am still a hot babe.... it only comes in flashes now though...
Be good ya'll and have a fabulous day..
Friday, 28 March 2014
Wednesday, 12 March 2014
My poor neglected blog
Oh dear Lord, I have NOT blogged like in....FOREVER... I have no idea why I have been so lax. Its not as if I had nothing to write or to report on. Trust me, its not all smiles and roses. Hell the drama just gets worse and then just when you think it cant get any worse it actually does.
Good news is that Aran raced this weekend that just passed, and did a tremendous job.. Ooooh fuck that noise let elocution go out the window and ..NOT gonna speak like that...lemmie tell you how it is homie..he did fucken well man. 2nd in the 1st race and then in the second race the ferring started coming off and dragging which made him slow down. He ended 6th but still ended 3rd overall. Not to shabby for someone who only realised the day before that he was gonna race. My voice was gone for 3 days... (I think the old man here is very happy. (My bosses father) cos he shits me out daily.... Telling me I talk too loud..AS IF.... ok ok so I do, and i know but hell you know, how does one silence a talker... pfffffft)
So glad that Arans sponsor had come through, which without him, there would have been no racing. What an awesome sponsor he has. Thanks to the sponsor I have started drinking again cos you know the nerves are a bit frazzled when the boykie races superbikes,..... was good to feel the vibe again.. bloody awesome actually....Now that I no longer drink Vodka, I seem to behave. I think the fact that I am no longer drinking the ponchos also helps a lot!!! I now drink Jaegie....EEEWWW actually, but I do tell Megan, Channy and myself that its herbal and its good for us..........Then the next day he cycled the Argus. Craaaaaazy I tell ya... he did not miss a beat. 3h03min. done and dusted and then cycled yesterday and today and every other day I suppose. He does encourage me to cycle. I am of the opinion that if I lie to him and tell him that I am peddling on my electric bike, that he would believe me but then that would encourage him to push me harder, which in turn would just scare me, cos he is a tough nut, and I doubt very much if I would actually like him to be my gym master. Aran is one tough cookie
I know I am the antithesis of my son. Where he is skinny, I am.... big boned???? LOL naah KIDDING.... I am a proper duk stuk in the full sense of the word. Hey, before you say stop knocking yourself, please remember that I vow to speak the truth and only the truth about my weight...... I am FAT...thats the truth and that is not knocking anyone or anything... Knocking things could be fun..but aaaarg.... not yet.
So right now I am back at zumba. I dance twice a week like a bloody crazy latin freak...not the normal ones trust me..... cos my tits just jiggy all bloody over the show....not quite normal,.... and well, I am convincing myself that I have a plan...a very good plan indeed to lose weight...The plan.....DO NOT DIET!!!!!!!... bloody hell.... lets see how thats gonna work for me. When I leave zumba class, I am sure that I am much lighter cos I sweat my arse off in that class. So now, I have decided to see a Hypnotist. I told him what to say while I am under but I doubt if he will listen.. I just want him to tell me that I cant eat when happy or when sad....LOL... now imagine that. I want him to tell me that I must eat 5 small meals a day and drink water......shit a brick I should make sure to tell him to say that each portion is the size of a california roll.. that should do it.... or the little bowl that you put your soya sauce in... oh dear Lord, now this is making me think of sushi,... and now hungry.. Dammit if all else fails I am gonna wire my jaw shut... bloody hell.... but dont worry. Next time you hear from me, I will be thinner, I cant tell you how much, I still don't know which manner is gonna do it...but one of them sure is gonna work
Oh. there has been some hectic drama in the family, but its too soon. Way too soon to talk about it.
For now I shall say toodle to you noodles...and catch up soon... I missed blogging!!! damn its been cathartic
My poor neglected blog
Oh dear Lord, I have NOT blogged like in....FOREVER... I have no idea why I have been so lax. Its not as if I had nothing to write or to report on. Trust me, its not all smiles and roses. Hell the drama just gets worse and then just when you think it cant get any worse it actually does.
Good news is that Aran raced this weekend that just passed, and did a tremendous job.. Ooooh fuck that noise let elocution go out the window and ..NOT gonna speak like that...lemmie tell you how it is homie..he did fucken well man. 2nd in the 1st race and then in the second race the ferring started coming off and dragging which made him slow down. He ended 6th but still ended 3rd overall. Not to shabby for someone who only realised the day before that he was gonna race. My voice was gone for 3 days... (I think the old man here is very happy. (My bosses father) cos he shits me out daily.... Telling me I talk too loud..AS IF.... ok ok so I do, and i know but hell you know, how does one silence a talker... pfffffft)
So glad that Arans sponsor had come through, which without him, there would have been no racing. What an awesome sponsor he has. Thanks to the sponsor I have started drinking again cos you know the nerves are a bit frazzled when the boykie races superbikes,..... was good to feel the vibe again.. bloody awesome actually....Now that I no longer drink Vodka, I seem to behave. I think the fact that I am no longer drinking the ponchos also helps a lot!!! I now drink Jaegie....EEEWWW actually, but I do tell Megan, Channy and myself that its herbal and its good for us..........Then the next day he cycled the Argus. Craaaaaazy I tell ya... he did not miss a beat. 3h03min. done and dusted and then cycled yesterday and today and every other day I suppose. He does encourage me to cycle. I am of the opinion that if I lie to him and tell him that I am peddling on my electric bike, that he would believe me but then that would encourage him to push me harder, which in turn would just scare me, cos he is a tough nut, and I doubt very much if I would actually like him to be my gym master. Aran is one tough cookie
I know I am the antithesis of my son. Where he is skinny, I am.... big boned???? LOL naah KIDDING.... I am a proper duk stuk in the full sense of the word. Hey, before you say stop knocking yourself, please remember that I vow to speak the truth and only the truth about my weight...... I am FAT...thats the truth and that is not knocking anyone or anything... Knocking things could be fun..but aaaarg.... not yet.
So right now I am back at zumba. I dance twice a week like a bloody crazy latin freak...not the normal ones trust me..... cos my tits just jiggy all bloody over the show....not quite normal,.... and well, I am convincing myself that I have a plan...a very good plan indeed to lose weight...The plan.....DO NOT DIET!!!!!!!... bloody hell.... lets see how thats gonna work for me. When I leave zumba class, I am sure that I am much lighter cos I sweat my arse off in that class. So now, I have decided to see a Hypnotist. I told him what to say while I am under but I doubt if he will listen.. I just want him to tell me that I cant eat when happy or when sad....LOL... now imagine that. I want him to tell me that I must eat 5 small meals a day and drink water......shit a brick I should make sure to tell him to say that each portion is the size of a california roll.. that should do it.... or the little bowl that you put your soya sauce in... oh dear Lord, now this is making me think of sushi,... and now hungry.. Dammit if all else fails I am gonna wire my jaw shut... bloody hell.... but dont worry. Next time you hear from me, I will be thinner, I cant tell you how much, I still don't know which manner is gonna do it...but one of them sure is gonna work
Oh. there has been some hectic drama in the family, but its too soon. Way too soon to talk about it.
For now I shall say toodle to you noodles...and catch up soon... I missed blogging!!! damn its been cathartic
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
To lust or not to lust
Damn the butterflies, damn the bees, damn the whole lot of jelly happening in my stomach. I have no flippen idea what is wrong with me except that all I can do is giggle and well....giggle.
I am so in lust that I cant see the wood from the trees. Thankfully he is totally oblivious to it, or else I would not be able to face him. You know those little school girl crushes you get..Oh my God, I am totally crushing on someone!!!!
He finally asked for my bbm pin.. whoop whoop!!! and so communication began. Lets just say, I giggled shall we. I tried to sound reasonable but alas, I dont think it went that well. On Saturday night he decided to come and party with the rest of the family and the new extended family and then some.... He asked me if he could bring some party people .... I said sure of course, and then he drops the bomb.... its women. what could I say.... sorry for you Mr, I want to ride you like Sea Biscuit and have jealousy issues? Pfffft NOT gonna happen. So I allow all of this to go down, whilst plotting a protest in my head and trying to be sexy at the same time. I mean Marilyn Monroe was out to play!!!!
The problems arose soon after..... I just wanna put it in a nutshell for you so that my humiliation is very short lived today. We all went out to go and dance. He (lets rename him Blue Steel) was chatting to his friends, and while he was doing that I was sashaying across the dance floor and pulling moves to get his attention but oh boy that shit was not being noticed at all.. Anyhow, while I was busting some moves, he was chatting away totally oblivious to me. I then went to sit down and finally he wanted to speak to me... OMG blush smile pretend all is normal, etc etc.he gets me down on the couch next to him, now I am all thumbs and toes and giggles... as he pulled me down to sit with him and talk to him, the blonde (this girl was busier than a tick on a cats back!!!!) came rushing over and knocked a drink over, its spilt all over the floor (I went into sulk mode as it was pretty obvious she had intentions bigger than mine and did not want him anywhere near me or anyone else for that matter... I then got up to go and dance and slipped in the wet spot and went down looking busier than a one armed man in a fist fight!!!!! Thankfully someone else went down with me, but eish, this was right infront of Blue Steel. He doesnt see me busting moves but he sure as shit sees me with my arse firmly parked on the ground!!! Let me just tell you all that my whole arse is black and purple and pretty damn sore How cruel is life.... I am now trying to un lust myself....perhaps pursue knitting.. I think this will work to my advantage as I cant humiliate myself that way...
Enough I say, its race weekend again... so I shall partake in the vodka spirit of things and have a hangover on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday aaaarg. I suffer for a whole damn week but oh well, when the boy races the nerves are shot.
I am so in lust that I cant see the wood from the trees. Thankfully he is totally oblivious to it, or else I would not be able to face him. You know those little school girl crushes you get..Oh my God, I am totally crushing on someone!!!!
He finally asked for my bbm pin.. whoop whoop!!! and so communication began. Lets just say, I giggled shall we. I tried to sound reasonable but alas, I dont think it went that well. On Saturday night he decided to come and party with the rest of the family and the new extended family and then some.... He asked me if he could bring some party people .... I said sure of course, and then he drops the bomb.... its women. what could I say.... sorry for you Mr, I want to ride you like Sea Biscuit and have jealousy issues? Pfffft NOT gonna happen. So I allow all of this to go down, whilst plotting a protest in my head and trying to be sexy at the same time. I mean Marilyn Monroe was out to play!!!!
The problems arose soon after..... I just wanna put it in a nutshell for you so that my humiliation is very short lived today. We all went out to go and dance. He (lets rename him Blue Steel) was chatting to his friends, and while he was doing that I was sashaying across the dance floor and pulling moves to get his attention but oh boy that shit was not being noticed at all.. Anyhow, while I was busting some moves, he was chatting away totally oblivious to me. I then went to sit down and finally he wanted to speak to me... OMG blush smile pretend all is normal, etc etc.he gets me down on the couch next to him, now I am all thumbs and toes and giggles... as he pulled me down to sit with him and talk to him, the blonde (this girl was busier than a tick on a cats back!!!!) came rushing over and knocked a drink over, its spilt all over the floor (I went into sulk mode as it was pretty obvious she had intentions bigger than mine and did not want him anywhere near me or anyone else for that matter... I then got up to go and dance and slipped in the wet spot and went down looking busier than a one armed man in a fist fight!!!!! Thankfully someone else went down with me, but eish, this was right infront of Blue Steel. He doesnt see me busting moves but he sure as shit sees me with my arse firmly parked on the ground!!! Let me just tell you all that my whole arse is black and purple and pretty damn sore How cruel is life.... I am now trying to un lust myself....perhaps pursue knitting.. I think this will work to my advantage as I cant humiliate myself that way...
Enough I say, its race weekend again... so I shall partake in the vodka spirit of things and have a hangover on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday aaaarg. I suffer for a whole damn week but oh well, when the boy races the nerves are shot.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
It really did not taste good!!!
I know its been ages. I like my little sporadic breaks from blogging. Its like a build up and then every once in a while I think, *oh my gosh lemmie just write again*. This is one of those moments when I should be utterly embarrassed and NOT write about it.... but alas... tis me, and I keep losing my embarrassment button.
First it was Blades birthday out in Durbanville. Thankfully Shane made the theme for his party green and purple for Barney.. Awesome stuff, and of course, you get green fizzers. Those that taste like cream soda aka green ambulance aka cream soba..... Well, being me, and loving fizzers, I stole some from the kiddies table. I had to ok, she never put any on the adults table. I threw them in my bag as we left and was really a happy person for having had some in my bag. Yes yes I KNOW its wrong to steal but it was fizz bars ok.. She did say I could take a couple (probably meant 2) but I got 4. Greedy right... so getting home was good, I didnt go into a sweet coma cos I didnt have enough and I always leave one in my bag for *those days* you know, hangover etc....
This weekend that just passed, was Payttons birthday, so I tell Channy to buy fizzers, Channy buys the pink ones of course and they are the bigger ones. On Sunday we had Payttons 2nd party at our place and well, you know, as with anything party, drinks come out...and boy was I LOVING the bloody mary's and then I changed over to the red wine.... Yaaa the cousins... you know... 4 cousins natural sweet red. OMG, I got wasted, I eventually ran off to bed. Now here comes the thing. The next day, Channy came to clean the house and everyone left and I was left alone, hanging like a bitch, thanks to the four cousins wine aaaarg.... while laying on my bed feeling sorry for myself, I remembered that I had a green fizzer in my bag. No problem for me, I stuck my hand in, felt around, KINDA peeped in the bag and saw one. Was I happy... I was laying with my eyes closed, (sore head thanks to too much wine) and opened the fizzer and stuck it in my mouth. Here is where it gets tricky. Once it was in my mouth, it felt plastic, and I was rather confused. I took it out and to my utter utter disbelief, it was a tampon from Canada. Now, I KNOW you wont understand how I can mistake a tampon and a fizzer but bloody hell, those from Canada are NOT like ours. It comes in a green flimsy wrapping *check*, the applicator is green *check* as for the rest... dont even ask ok, am I ashamed that I tried to suck on a tampon, uhm YES....but in my defence....I thought it was a fizzer. Am I ever going to blindly feel in my bag and think its something else that I am grabbing, probably, will I stick it in my mouth next time...NO,....I have learnt my lesson. Haiawatha must keep her tampons to herself and NOT confuse me....
Today I am happy cos I am no longer hanging and I saw a green fizzer in my bag and ATE IT....
Have an awesome time ya'll and for insparation I quote Cavett Robert "Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed."
First it was Blades birthday out in Durbanville. Thankfully Shane made the theme for his party green and purple for Barney.. Awesome stuff, and of course, you get green fizzers. Those that taste like cream soda aka green ambulance aka cream soba..... Well, being me, and loving fizzers, I stole some from the kiddies table. I had to ok, she never put any on the adults table. I threw them in my bag as we left and was really a happy person for having had some in my bag. Yes yes I KNOW its wrong to steal but it was fizz bars ok.. She did say I could take a couple (probably meant 2) but I got 4. Greedy right... so getting home was good, I didnt go into a sweet coma cos I didnt have enough and I always leave one in my bag for *those days* you know, hangover etc....
This weekend that just passed, was Payttons birthday, so I tell Channy to buy fizzers, Channy buys the pink ones of course and they are the bigger ones. On Sunday we had Payttons 2nd party at our place and well, you know, as with anything party, drinks come out...and boy was I LOVING the bloody mary's and then I changed over to the red wine.... Yaaa the cousins... you know... 4 cousins natural sweet red. OMG, I got wasted, I eventually ran off to bed. Now here comes the thing. The next day, Channy came to clean the house and everyone left and I was left alone, hanging like a bitch, thanks to the four cousins wine aaaarg.... while laying on my bed feeling sorry for myself, I remembered that I had a green fizzer in my bag. No problem for me, I stuck my hand in, felt around, KINDA peeped in the bag and saw one. Was I happy... I was laying with my eyes closed, (sore head thanks to too much wine) and opened the fizzer and stuck it in my mouth. Here is where it gets tricky. Once it was in my mouth, it felt plastic, and I was rather confused. I took it out and to my utter utter disbelief, it was a tampon from Canada. Now, I KNOW you wont understand how I can mistake a tampon and a fizzer but bloody hell, those from Canada are NOT like ours. It comes in a green flimsy wrapping *check*, the applicator is green *check* as for the rest... dont even ask ok, am I ashamed that I tried to suck on a tampon, uhm YES....but in my defence....I thought it was a fizzer. Am I ever going to blindly feel in my bag and think its something else that I am grabbing, probably, will I stick it in my mouth next time...NO,....I have learnt my lesson. Haiawatha must keep her tampons to herself and NOT confuse me....
Today I am happy cos I am no longer hanging and I saw a green fizzer in my bag and ATE IT....
Have an awesome time ya'll and for insparation I quote Cavett Robert "Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed."
Toodles you noodles... have a good one. xoxo
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
My Failed Divorce!!!
Wow, it really has been a while. I decided to write about my divorce.... NOT from a man.... but from something worse than a husband.... its......its.....from my excess weight for heavens sake.
I actually asked my weight to leave my body on numerous occasions. I first spoke to it, (mild diet as in drops and herbal crap and pills), then I begged it ( now getting onto the diet mixture that kicks like a mule and makes your hair stand on end), and finally I was shouting at it,( here we talking the heavy artillery as in Tobasco sauce and anything that hot and spicy). And then of course lets not forget those health freaks and fanatics that insist they can help. I mean, for real, I even tried to punish THIS BODACIOUS Body of mine by putting it through strenuous paces, (by strenuous I mean anything from 5 sit ups to kegals to zumba, but to no avail. I have finally come to the conclusion that this divorce of the fat ain't gonna happen. My fat has decided it loves me too much, (and we all want to be loved right), but for shit sake, just leave me alone already!!!!.
After all the diets, (and I do not think there is ANY diet that I have NOT tried), I have now finally decided that I cant fight this battle and have come to surrender to the will of the fat. It has not beaten me... HELL NO!!! NOT by a long shot, its just kinda made me realize that the more I try and shake it off, or depart from it, the more the excess weight clings to me. (I now clearly understand why men or women dont like clingy partners)
Listen, I have tried the heat pads, I have tried those damn shocker things. Yes, shocking as it may seem, that i was prepared to SHOCK myself thin, I even had one of those shaker machines with the belt, NOT the new ones they have now, (its like 80's wobbler I had, with the belt that goes over the arse and you lean into it), a proper one that made you itch your arse off, except that the arse would not go either, it would itch, but it would not go...
Since the tummy tuck many moons ago, all I bare from that is a scar, however, not all is lost in that department, as I can still see my vagina!!! Oh hell yes, its still in view, but then again that could possibly also be cos its fat, like a volkswagen bonnet. Who knows, for now I shall just fool myself and believe that I am some 50 shades thinner than I was the other day.. Its not really a case of fooling oneself. Its more like, when I drink I believe I am a skinny bitch!!! and when I dream I am always thin in my dreams.... ERGO, I am thin... in a thick way obviously!!!...
Oh well, if anyone knows of any other way of getting slim, do get in touch. I will probably laugh at you (no not with you) and say thanks cos my fat will fight you for what its worth and its taken me years to get here so yes, it gonna fight you tooth and nail.
Its incredible to have this kind of love in your life, even though its your own love, but ya, who are we to disagree with what our body is telling us. Mine is totally telling me it loves me and RE-FE-USES to leave. So this is definitely a marriage until *death us do part* or of course there is some new wonder drug, or drug lord or something that can help. In the meantime I shall just merrily suck on my Xanax, it makes life so much better and so much lighter... in the head!!!!!
Toodles you noodles been nice writing again!!!
I actually asked my weight to leave my body on numerous occasions. I first spoke to it, (mild diet as in drops and herbal crap and pills), then I begged it ( now getting onto the diet mixture that kicks like a mule and makes your hair stand on end), and finally I was shouting at it,( here we talking the heavy artillery as in Tobasco sauce and anything that hot and spicy). And then of course lets not forget those health freaks and fanatics that insist they can help. I mean, for real, I even tried to punish THIS BODACIOUS Body of mine by putting it through strenuous paces, (by strenuous I mean anything from 5 sit ups to kegals to zumba, but to no avail. I have finally come to the conclusion that this divorce of the fat ain't gonna happen. My fat has decided it loves me too much, (and we all want to be loved right), but for shit sake, just leave me alone already!!!!.
After all the diets, (and I do not think there is ANY diet that I have NOT tried), I have now finally decided that I cant fight this battle and have come to surrender to the will of the fat. It has not beaten me... HELL NO!!! NOT by a long shot, its just kinda made me realize that the more I try and shake it off, or depart from it, the more the excess weight clings to me. (I now clearly understand why men or women dont like clingy partners)
Listen, I have tried the heat pads, I have tried those damn shocker things. Yes, shocking as it may seem, that i was prepared to SHOCK myself thin, I even had one of those shaker machines with the belt, NOT the new ones they have now, (its like 80's wobbler I had, with the belt that goes over the arse and you lean into it), a proper one that made you itch your arse off, except that the arse would not go either, it would itch, but it would not go...
Since the tummy tuck many moons ago, all I bare from that is a scar, however, not all is lost in that department, as I can still see my vagina!!! Oh hell yes, its still in view, but then again that could possibly also be cos its fat, like a volkswagen bonnet. Who knows, for now I shall just fool myself and believe that I am some 50 shades thinner than I was the other day.. Its not really a case of fooling oneself. Its more like, when I drink I believe I am a skinny bitch!!! and when I dream I am always thin in my dreams.... ERGO, I am thin... in a thick way obviously!!!...
Oh well, if anyone knows of any other way of getting slim, do get in touch. I will probably laugh at you (no not with you) and say thanks cos my fat will fight you for what its worth and its taken me years to get here so yes, it gonna fight you tooth and nail.
Its incredible to have this kind of love in your life, even though its your own love, but ya, who are we to disagree with what our body is telling us. Mine is totally telling me it loves me and RE-FE-USES to leave. So this is definitely a marriage until *death us do part* or of course there is some new wonder drug, or drug lord or something that can help. In the meantime I shall just merrily suck on my Xanax, it makes life so much better and so much lighter... in the head!!!!!
Toodles you noodles been nice writing again!!!
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