I am a fat woman. Yes, fat. I diet, all the bloody time. Is it helping ...NO. why? perhaps cos I eat when happy, eat when sad, eat when there is a party, eat when its hot , eat when its cold....eat 3 meals a day, eat one meal a day. Does it matter. Yes it does. Is there an EA (eaters anonymous) No... One has to eat... fuckit!!!! Do I want to be fat? a resounding NO. Do I accept that I am fat.... uhm, sure but one has to define the acceptance. Firstly, when I dream, I am thin in my dreams, when I drink, I drink myself thin and think I am Demi Moore, however when I am sober, THAT is a vastly different story.
I have not come to terms with my situation, and its not a new thing either. I accept that in all things related to my weight, I procrastinate very much, in the sense that it takes me for ever to believe that I am actually fat. Looking in the mirror dispels my thin thoughts, but only for a brief moment... walking away, I am once again thinner... Its just a thing I have. I dont think its helping me on my road to losing it.... but its a real thing.
I dont like that I am fat, and I dont for a minute believe that anyone that is overweight likes it. (ok perhaps there are one or two, but definitely in the minority). I do however accept that I am fat.
Being menopausal certainly does not help. It makes me a grumpy fat at times. That just pisses me off so much. I am generally a happy person and joke all the time.... (yes its true fat people joke, but one must remember thin people do it too). I know its out there that fat people are funny, but thats got nothing to do with our weight.. Its our personality... get it... Being told that I mustnt lose weight cos then I wont be so funny is just beyond bizarre. I was funny when I was skinny you retarded bitch!!!!! that shit has not changed...., my personality has not changed..... My SIZE changed... the rest.... the rest is all me... Being hormonal is not for the faint hearted. Its like my internal flip switch on the thermos and the emotions just goes buck wild when it feels like it. It doesnt give me a heads up to say, hey Missy in 5 minutes, you are gonna lose your shit over something small, oh and, dont forget the heat wave, thats gonna hit in 10 minutes. Oops you are in a public place and cant undress.... my bad!! That shit is real.... Drinking is not an option to get over it, as alcohol makes me hot as well...but that could also be cos I think I am Demi Moore and sexy and can do it... Shit, either way, its a bad idea.
Being kinda pretty helps somewhat... not a whole lot but somewhat.... I remember a guy wanting to take me to a company dance and actually had the balls to tell me that I was gorgeous and fabulous and would love to take me to his dance but that my size put him off.... arsehole!!!! Do guys think its easy for us to show our cellulite? to show our long tits?// Now that is a very real problem with fat girls who have very big tits. The weight pulls them down so they become long...Thankfully you dont have to roll them up to fit them in the bra, one just lifts it and it sure fills the big bra!!!
Ok so the bottom line is............. I am fat and I do not like it but I do accept it unwillingly. Take it or leave it, being fat is not a want, nor a need, its a fucken disaster.... but hey.... I shall continue on my quest to lose the weight.
So long y'all be good and keep on eating..