Tuesday, 3 September 2013

To lust or not to lust

Damn the butterflies, damn the bees, damn the whole lot of jelly happening in my stomach.  I have no flippen idea what is wrong with me except that all I can do is giggle and well....giggle.

I am so in lust that I cant see the wood from the trees.  Thankfully he is totally oblivious to it, or else I would not be able to face him.  You know those little school girl crushes you get..Oh my God, I am totally crushing on someone!!!!

He finally asked for  my bbm pin.. whoop whoop!!! and so communication began.  Lets just say, I giggled shall we.  I tried to sound reasonable but alas,  I dont think it went that well.  On Saturday night he decided to come and party with the rest of the family and the new extended family and then some.... He asked me if he could bring some party people .... I said sure of course,  and then he drops the bomb.... its women. what could I say.... sorry for you Mr, I want to ride you like Sea Biscuit and have jealousy issues?  Pfffft NOT gonna happen.  So I allow all of this to go down, whilst plotting a protest in my head and trying to be sexy at the same time.  I mean Marilyn Monroe was out to play!!!!

The problems arose soon after..... I just wanna put it in a nutshell for you so that my humiliation is very short lived today.    We all went out to go and dance.  He (lets rename him Blue Steel) was chatting to his friends, and while he was doing that I was sashaying across the dance floor and pulling moves to get his attention but oh boy that shit was not being noticed at all..   Anyhow, while I was busting some moves, he was chatting away totally oblivious to me.  I then went to sit down and finally he wanted to speak to me... OMG blush smile pretend all is normal, etc etc.he gets me down on the couch next to him, now I am all thumbs and toes and giggles... as he pulled me down to sit with him and talk to him, the blonde (this girl was busier than a tick on a cats back!!!!) came rushing over and knocked a drink over,  its spilt all over the floor (I went into sulk mode as it was pretty obvious she had intentions bigger than mine and did not want him anywhere near me or anyone else for that matter... I then got up to go and dance and slipped in the wet spot and went down looking busier than a one armed man in a fist fight!!!!! Thankfully someone else went down with me, but eish, this was right infront of Blue Steel.  He doesnt see me busting moves but he sure as shit sees me with my arse firmly parked on the ground!!! Let me just tell you all that my whole arse is black and purple and pretty damn sore How cruel is life.... I am now trying to un lust myself....perhaps pursue knitting.. I think this will work to my advantage as I cant humiliate myself that way...

Enough I say, its race weekend again... so I shall partake in the vodka spirit of things and have a hangover on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday aaaarg. I suffer for a whole damn week but oh well, when the boy races the nerves are shot.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

It really did not taste good!!!

I know its been ages.  I like my little sporadic breaks from blogging.  Its like a build up and then every once in a while I think, *oh my gosh lemmie just write again*.  This is one of those moments when I should be utterly embarrassed and NOT write about it.... but alas... tis me, and I keep losing my embarrassment button.

First it was Blades birthday out in Durbanville.  Thankfully Shane made the theme for his party green and purple for Barney.. Awesome stuff, and of course, you get green fizzers.  Those that taste like cream soda aka green ambulance aka cream soba..... Well, being me, and loving fizzers, I stole some from the kiddies table.  I had to ok, she never put any on the adults table.  I threw them in my bag as we left and was really a happy person for having had some in my bag.  Yes yes I KNOW its wrong to steal but it was fizz bars ok..  She did say I could take a couple (probably meant 2) but I got 4.  Greedy right... so getting home was good, I didnt go into a sweet coma cos I didnt have enough and I always leave one in my bag for *those days* you  know, hangover etc....

This weekend that just passed, was Payttons birthday, so I tell Channy to buy fizzers,  Channy buys the pink ones of course and they are the bigger ones.  On Sunday we had Payttons 2nd party at our place and well, you know, as with anything party, drinks come out...and boy was I LOVING the bloody mary's and then I changed over to the red wine.... Yaaa the cousins... you know... 4 cousins natural sweet red.  OMG,  I got wasted, I eventually ran off to bed.  Now here comes the thing.  The next day, Channy came to clean the house and everyone left and I was left alone, hanging like a bitch, thanks to the four cousins wine  aaaarg.... while laying on my bed feeling sorry for myself, I remembered that I had a green fizzer in my bag.  No problem for me, I stuck my hand in, felt around, KINDA peeped in the bag and saw one.  Was I happy... I was laying with my eyes closed, (sore head thanks to too much wine) and opened the fizzer and stuck it in my mouth.  Here is where it gets tricky.  Once it was in my mouth, it felt plastic, and I was rather confused.  I took it out and to my utter utter disbelief, it was a tampon from Canada.  Now, I KNOW you wont understand how I can mistake a tampon and a fizzer but bloody hell, those from Canada are NOT like ours. It comes in a green flimsy wrapping *check*, the applicator is green *check*  as for the rest... dont even ask ok, am I ashamed that I tried to suck on a tampon,  uhm YES....but in my defence....I thought it was a fizzer.  Am I ever going to blindly feel in my bag and think its something else that I am grabbing, probably, will I stick it in my mouth next time...NO,....I have learnt my lesson.  Haiawatha must keep her tampons to herself and NOT confuse me....

Today I am happy cos I am no longer hanging and I saw a green fizzer in my bag and ATE IT....

Have an awesome time ya'll and for insparation I quote  Cavett Robert "Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed."

Toodles you noodles... have a good one.  xoxo

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

My Failed Divorce!!!

Wow, it really has been a while.  I decided to write about my divorce.... NOT from a man.... but from something worse than a husband.... its......its.....from my excess weight for heavens sake.

I actually asked my weight to leave my body on numerous occasions.  I first spoke to it, (mild diet as in drops and herbal crap and pills), then I begged it ( now getting onto the diet mixture that kicks like a mule and makes your hair stand on end), and finally I was shouting at it,( here we talking the heavy artillery as in Tobasco sauce and anything that hot and spicy).  And then of course lets not forget those health freaks and fanatics that insist they can help.  I mean, for real,  I even tried to punish THIS BODACIOUS Body of mine by putting it through strenuous paces, (by strenuous I mean anything from 5 sit ups to kegals to zumba, but to no avail.  I have finally come to the conclusion that this divorce of the fat ain't gonna happen.  My fat has decided it loves me too much, (and we all want to be loved right), but for shit sake,  just leave me alone already!!!!.

After all the diets, (and I do not think there is ANY diet that I have NOT tried), I have now finally decided that I cant fight this battle and have come to surrender to the will of the fat.  It has not beaten me... HELL NO!!! NOT by a long shot, its just kinda made me realize that the more I try and shake it off, or depart from it, the more the excess weight clings to me.  (I now clearly understand why men or women dont like clingy partners)

Listen, I have tried the heat pads, I have tried those damn shocker things.  Yes, shocking as it may seem, that i was prepared to SHOCK myself thin, I even had one of those shaker machines with the belt, NOT the new ones they have now, (its like 80's wobbler I had, with the belt that goes over the arse and you lean into it), a proper one that made you itch your arse off, except that the arse would not go either, it would itch, but it would not go...

Since the tummy tuck many moons ago, all I bare from that is a scar,  however, not all is lost in that department, as I can still see my vagina!!! Oh hell yes, its still in view, but then again that could possibly also be cos its fat, like a volkswagen bonnet. Who knows, for now I shall just fool myself and believe that I am some 50 shades thinner than I was the other day..  Its not really a case of fooling oneself.  Its more like, when I drink I believe I am a skinny bitch!!! and when I dream I am always thin in my dreams.... ERGO, I am thin... in a thick way obviously!!!...

Oh well, if anyone knows of any other way of getting slim, do get in touch.  I will probably laugh at you (no not with you) and say thanks cos my fat will fight you for what its worth and its taken me years to get here so yes, it gonna fight you tooth and nail.

Its incredible to have this kind of love in your life, even though its your own love, but ya, who are we to disagree with what our body is telling us.  Mine is totally telling me it loves me and RE-FE-USES to leave.  So this is definitely a marriage until *death us do part* or of course there is some new wonder drug, or drug lord or something that can help.  In the meantime I shall just merrily suck on my Xanax, it makes life so much better and so much lighter... in the head!!!!!

Toodles you noodles been nice writing again!!!

Monday, 25 March 2013

Cant wait

I have been itching to blog for a very very long time, but due to the head space I was in, did not think it was such a great idea as some people really really pissed me off.  Its very difficult to forgive someone.  Very damn difficult.  Anyway, I have decided that sticks and stones may break my bones and your wonderful words did hurt, does still hurt, however, I will forgive but I wont forget. Notwithstanding bullies.... THOSE I do not even want to know and do not acknowledge.  All in all, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot and will not allow other people and their nastiness to turn me into an angry nasty person.   Remember this..... treat people as you want to be treated....

It was Nationals at Killarney 2 Saturdays ago.  OMG what a rush we had.  Aran rode like a superstar I tell ya and I was mighty proud of him.  Vodka (as usual) was the order of the day...Megan and I decided that we were going to get a designated driver, and that we were going to let our hair down.  This we did!!! This we did with major aplomb!  My lil Sasha was there too.  We never saw much of her during the day, bless her, but we certainly saw her that night.  There was no band playing, (strange but true) but that did not stop anyone.  We all went hell for leather with whatever we were drinking and it was giving us dutch courage to dance like dooses and still think we were doing a great job.  Lang arm never felt so good to modern tunes.... What the hell???

And what exciting conversations were heard in the toilets.  Oh boy, ladies are so funny.  I do believe a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts, and for some reason, the toilets are to drunk girls like a confessional booth in the Catholic Church  is to nuns!!!  It all just.... comes out..... hahahaha......

Then of course there was Ashlees' 21st.  What a stunner that girl has become.  She is like the Lauren Conrad of SA I tell ya.  It was a surprise party for her, and Adam aka Charlie and Kathy aka One of the Angels did a formidable job with Rae whoever, (he is Romano to me) and of course his sister and family.  I liked the porra family they are so cute.  I thought I shocked the socks off them the last time we met but alas, the mum cool as a cucumber,  was up for a good laugh telling Mark (you KNOW who you are) that he was gonna get laid.  Oh boy the poor hubby was a bit embarrassed there.   Ole Adam and Kath and I were still chatting and drinking at 3.30 in the morning and all the youngsters were in bed already.  I mean what the hell!!!!! When are these kids gonna learn!!!

On Friday it was Channy and Granny Martches birthdays as well.  Auds flew down as a surprise for Channy and it was really really great to see her.  We actually spent a lot of time in good ole emotional conversation that was necessary on both sides.  Lets just say its been emotional!!!  LOL... It was nice seeing some of the people there again.  Specially Granny Martch.... That ole duck just keeps on going.  Unlike the Rattex Queen who has been rattexless for a long time now.  I better up my game!!!!!!!.

Toodles for now people....This was short but sweet I think.  Did not want to write more in case I get pissed off as I write...LOL.... So short and sweet it shall be!!!!