Thursday, 22 November 2012

PUNCH --- made by Stefan

Holy toledo, on Friday night, we had a potjie.  Jeanette, Sam, Ryan, Rattex Queen and I.  It was one of those we can it type of things.  You know I am quite sure I am a voortrekker at heart not so much other places (nudge nudge) but definitely somewhere.  I like a man to start a fire and get things going...Anyway, we did a bloody good job of it.  The gals were drinking champagne, I had a glass but was not up for it... Naughty Natalie has been good I tell ya. Besides Liza and Haiawatha (my proper red indian from Canada) decided they were going to leave us alone to braai... bitches... but all is fair.. we got the fire going and PLEASE it was a small itsy bitsy lil smoke going and well, it burned at that rate all the time.  No big flames, no big fan fare, just... small.  And so it was like doing a potjie on a slow burner but hey,  IT DID IT.... was good ..... tasted great I tell ya.... I think I am getting to be a conniseur of food!!!  After Come Dine with Me there is no stopping this machine.... Cooking machine??nah Love machine?? mebbe dunno but hell I feel like I am a machine of sorts... a bit of a voortrekker machine but a machine nonetheless..

On Saturday we had a fabulous surprise.  Christine and Stefan FINALLY got married.  Ya hell, these semi geriatrics  (ok not gonna stick to that cos they are my age).....decided that it was long overdue.  They had a private family service and then of course it was Stefans' birthday so they had a spit braai and well, they decided that it was the best day to do nuptials....That they could fit THAT many people into their house was astounding.  Stefan then showed me his punch... I am quite..... yes..... QUITE familiar with this!! Indeed, I think if SAP had to raid his house, they would think its moonshine that shit is so lethal...  Having been to Stefan and Christine on numerous occassions for braais and having drank this, I knew it would be in my best interest to suck on it... very very slowly.  The problem is, this punch tastes abso-bloody-lutely AMAZING.  It is so drinkable and doable that you just drink it slow or not, it tantalizes the tastebuds and you cant stop yourself.  Needless to say, after a few  (aarg ok dammit a few too many perhaps), I could feel that there was this excitement bubbling in my brain.  It was just talking nonsense... spewing out absolute shit for no reason.  Of course, the recliner was left open for me  (oh you gotta love my mates) So I had THE most comfortable seat in and out of the house... fabulous planning I would say.  Got home and well, Haiawatha was there so I hollered for her to come and have a drink with me before I hit the sack....I love Stefan and I love his punch but for the love of Mary, I dont like the next day feeling so hangover....Thanks Stefan!!!!

Ok so here is the thing, I have been trying to communicate with Santa or with his elves  (as you know I know people that know people that know his elves) about my behavior.  I have been putting out   hahahah KIDDING putting word out that I have been good at being good, good at being bad etc etc, just basically good at everything so I deserved a good good gift.

My list doesnt seem unreasonable in light of the fact that I cant do THAT much Zumba even though I love it cos I realize there are other ways to lose weight and of course all the other shit that follows.

So ... IF ANYONE knows anyone that knows a plastic surgeon, I swear, I will have the most awesome Christmas.  Speaking of....... Rattex Queen is still full steam ahead for Christmas party on 9 December.  So not stopping her...Why the hell would anyone want to anyway... ONLY AFTER, that will I explain the dates are incorrect.. Here is to having a flippen awesome Christmas.


Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Debbie does ...: Trying to stay sane

Debbie does ...: Trying to stay sane: I have realized that the more I try and calm down, the worse I get.  No seriously now, I wanted to have a chilled weekend.  Really chilled w...

Trying to stay sane

I have realized that the more I try and calm down, the worse I get.  No seriously now, I wanted to have a chilled weekend.  Really chilled week in fact.  First off,  I went to Kalk Bay to go and watch Martin Evans do the FBPK in the theatre there. He was my partner in crime in Come Dine.  Was so funny and it was an awesome show.  I only had a taster of wine.  Went home and thought it was do-able.  On Friday night, it was Jeanettes birthday and well, she wanted to have a potjie at my house, and who the hell am I to say no!!  Really like THAT is going to happen.  Anyhow, we only had dry red wine available.  I cant stand dry wine in the first place, and then this dooswyn also stains your teeth.  It looks bloody dreadful... Anyway, the Rattex Queen decided to put sugar in the wine to sweeten it and what do you know......It really did.  In fact you could take that bitter red wine and turn it into a semi sweet or a sweet.  I realize that I no longer have to try and make my own wine.  I was made to promise that I will not let anyone drink my homemade wine.  Listen, its vile shit to be honest, but hell it kicks like a mule on steroids before it started its workout!!!.So, the Rattex Queen got a bit bent outa shape with the wine.  Me, I was drinking it, and champagne and trying to take it easy cos on Sat it was another party.

Come Sat night, its a fondue at Ali's house with Kathy and Adam.  Now Adam is known as Charlie and Kathy, Ali and I are his angels.  Some fat bastard by the name of Tyrone come to the party with his wife, and we were joking and talking about Charlie and he asks us,.... which one of you ate Charlie.  Implying we were fat?  What the fuck!!!!  Ok ,.....ok so I am kinda large but really, eating Charlie... tsk tsk...The fondue was awesome, there were loads of us and I fell in lust with Fabio all over again... Oh don't get me wrong, I love his wife Anja as well but that Fabio, when drinking wine, and the fact that he is Italian is just too much for this champagne swilling, wine drinking, shooter loving woman.  Oi vei.... that is a hot man....shooo

Anyway, between Ali and I and everyone playing 30 seconds, we were drinking loads of wine and well, Ali and Adam and I thought we were fabulous and were drinking shooters.  Ali was making us blowjobs.  Now I mean really, blowjobs are fun aren't they?  Its smooth, it looks good (that could be cos we were hammered) and it tastes really really nice.  While out partying I realized that I had forgotten about Haiawatha aka Leonore arriving in SA.  No problem for me, I got young Ashley to drive me home as I will not drink and drive....

As we pulled away from Ali's house, it happened.  I just shouted stop!!! and stop she did, but my stomach must have been churning like a fucken washing machine on spin and rinse the minute the vehicle started moving.. OMG.  Projectile, full on!!!!! Goodness me, was I glad to get home and get into bed, and when Haiawatha arrived at my house after 2-00 (I woke up not knowing if it was a burglar cos they were trying to be quiet.  Haiawatha is not quiet but not only that, I was so out of it, I was gonna ask the burglar to go to the shop for me) but it turns out it was her coming in so late cos she was out jolling, she walked in with her luggage and a sausage roll.  Do you KNOW how good food looks that time of the night?  She offered me a bite, I took it, and then I decided to spruce her sausage roll up, with some cheese and some sauce.  She did not have another bite.  Instead she went to the shop and bought 2 more pies and of course my Creme Sober,   She remembers my green ambulance.  Bless these red indians that come to visit.  I am just pissed at her again cos she never brought me a male version wearing a loin cloth and having long flowing hair... Am I asking too much????

Friday, 9 November 2012

Debbie does ...: My giggles

Debbie does ...: My giggles: Am I happy its weekend!!! Hell yes.  Tonight its Jeanettes birthday party and she opted to have a potjie at my house.  I love parties at my ...

My giggles

Am I happy its weekend!!! Hell yes.  Tonight its Jeanettes birthday party and she opted to have a potjie at my house.  I love parties at my house cos everyone cooks or braais here and serves me while doing it.  It is the most fantastic venue I have been too.  I dont have to tip them, I just have to be me ok well maybe NOT just me, maybe a bit of Naughty Natalie.  I gotta put that bitch down soon, she is the reason I am NOT losing weight.  She drinks too much.  

On Saturday we are having a fondue at Allies house, with Adam and Kathy and some others.  Ooooh I love it when Charlie looks after his angels  (Charlie = Adam)....NOT that he actually looks after us per say.. we just get drunk!!! Well we get inebriated ok does that sound better... I know I am gonna be hanging on Sunday.  Its gonna be bad!!! Real bad.

Now I need to tell you all about my niece Chantelles daughter.  This is a lil American girl that is now living here in SA with her mama and papa, and she has picked up the SA accent..  This kid is so bloody funny.  She was in my bedroom staring into the mirror when she said to the mirror  "I look fat" she then proceeds to tell the mirror that the mirror is fat too.  Then she puts her hands on her hips, shakes her head and says to the mirror "Sweet Baby Jesus what are we going to do?"  This kid just turned 4.  That I never wet myself or fell off the bed laughing is unbelievable. Not long after that, a couple of weeks later, she gets out of the bath and keeps looking over her shoulders.  Both sides and very perturbed.  Her mother asked her what the problem was, and she asked her mom "When I was born mommy did I come with batteries?"  She was looking where her batteries went...BWHAHAHAHAHA... This week however she was once again priceless.  On the way to her school (day care ok geez) they drove past the Catholic church.  The church had just put a new cross up with Jesus on it.  As they drove past  she grabbed her dads shoulder and shouted  "Oh my God,  daddy daddy I just saw Jeeeesus"  full on American Southern twang!!! She did not stop her diatribe shouting "daddy daddy look there is Jeesus, I cant believe I just saw Jeesus'  I am sorry that I spell Jesus like that but that's the way this kid was hollering. Her father said he nearly had an accident at first cos she grabbed him so hard but then he could not stop laughing.  When she came to my house later that day, I asked her what Jesus looked like, and she stood with her arms out, her head down and her one foot over the other.  How flippen funny is this kid.  

Anyhoo, I just had to speak about Jesus cos for a 4 year old to be so happy and shocked and verbose about seeing Jesus was a priceless moment.

Now to rest for a bit to get my battery up and running so that I can PARTAY this weekend.  

See ya'll soon peeps... Keep the bright side up and keep on smiling

Toodles for now

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Debbie does ...: What an experience

Debbie does ...: What an experience: Now now let me tell you...what a lot of fun I had.  We did the Come Dine with Me South Africa.  5 days of drinking.... what can I say.. It w...

What an experience

Now now let me tell you...what a lot of fun I had.  We did the Come Dine with Me South Africa.  5 days of drinking.... what can I say.. It wasn't vodka going down the gullet like it normally does when Aran races.  Noooo sireee this is the wine shit man... Wine, is known to give a really shitty hangover.  Serious headache and all the rest as well.

I absolutely loved Tamryn.  I know the child is getting a lot of flack for being herself.  She is not as dof as she appears to be, but then if people realize it was all alcohol related... aah well...then maybe they can see her for what she really was.  An absolute gem.  Listen, she was beyond wasted..... and well.... so were we.  I just thought it was all too bloody funny for words, so ya......If they had showed other footage about some of the other diners on Tamryns night then I doubt very much that she would have gotten all the backlash.  Oh boy, we were all badly behaved.. some just way more than others!!!! How does one edit a show like that.  I mean it was cooky and when I think of some of the stuff that was said and done that was not aired, I wanna wet myself ok.  I know that Hebrew said we were all acting.  HUH  its a reality show, oh but wait... my friends cant believe how well behaved I was... Gotta love it that they know one can get outa hand.  I think if they made a programme called "How too lose weight unsuccessfully" I would be the perfect candidate for that.

My teacher at school once told me that I had decorum.  Yeah now I know she meant it!!!!! I am capable of being a lady and a tramp, hahahaha...

Well as for the rest.... I cannot express how quick it all went. How much fun we had doing it, and how really pissed we all were....

Moving on to Zumba, (and ANOTHER quest to lose weight)  bloody hell, I was so hung over on Tuesday, that 2 litres of Lemon Twist and a small creme sober could not make me feel well enough to go to Zumba.  I woulda pulled a muscle or fallen off my eBike thats for bloody sure.  Speaking of...... I nearly wiped out a pedestrian mama walking on the side walk as I came zooting past.  I have no damn eye and foot co-ordination when it comes to the bike.  Please remember I am a big mama too so all you see from the rear is arse and a wheel.... Now the problem with the eBike is it goes faster than a damn bicycle so when I fall I am going to fall really really hard and in my chops... Anyway I got a moerse bruise on my calf (which coincidentally is so big I can kickstart a jumbojet in the middle of Alaska dead centre of winter). Not so fussed about the bruise anymore but still concerned that I need to get my riding skills better.  Shit a brick at this rate, I am gonna be blue and black from hurting myself on this thing.  My stopping leaves a lot to be desired still.  I am up and at it daily.

For now though, I am on my eBike to go home and get into the pool on this hot spring day.

Toodles ya'll.