Tuesday, 21 February 2012

diet? What the hell

Wonderful!!!!!  A friend and I are on these Chinese diet pills. I thought Karen was crazy to go on these but hey, who are we to say anything, anyhow, I voluntarily went on this with her.  A journey together of losing weight.  A lot of weight.  A hellova lot of weight or so we thought. And of course BONUS, there are 2 of us doing it and we are both gonna be thin, cos you know..... DIET PILLS WORK, that's why everyone is thin...Anyway, someone always knows someone that's been on a particular diet pill and of course that person has lost LOADS of weight, so why would it be different for Karen and I.

After being on them for 3 weeks I was of the opinion that it was not/is not working......however my dear friends and frenemies and all who have been on any and every diet in the book,  after 3 weeks I finally noticed something.  

Before I carry on with the story though, I would like to fill you in on the fact that my bathroom is out of bounds.  It has been since last week Tuesday.  A leak was found in the bathroom so we had to get the builders in and while they were at it, we had the plumbers in and are in the process of a bit of renovations.  Its been fun showering at the neighbour whose shower was funky in as much as the water runs down in a circle, whereas you stand in the middle of the shower you get bugger all buddy.  You gotta run around to get the water.  I am NOT complaining, it was wonderful that my Shane allowed us all to go and shower, it has just been so inconvenient for everyone, including Shanes' poor household that had to assist us all.  Yesterday the tilers came in to complete the tiling and of course, due to all the cement etc etc we were unable to use the toilet as well last night.  ERGO NO BATHROOM period.  

While all this wonderful work is going on at the house, we are all excited and of course I am taking my fucken fantastic Chinese diet pills...... which at this stage (3 weeks) I was convinced was not working.   However, now that there is no bathroom, specially no toilet,  it finally dawned on me.... These Chinese pills make you run to the toilet when you know you cant.... I have realized that when you eat anything fatty, THEN and only then do the Chinese, wonderful, never worked for 3 fucken weeks pills, decide to work.  Now don't be mistaken here,  I have eaten fatty things in the past 3 weeks for heavens sake, who hasn't..... But its only last night that I had no access to a bloody toilet in my own home that the Chinese wonderful shitty pills decide to work.  You know, most women wont crap in their own loo if a man (even a husband, live in lover, boyfriend) is in the vicinity.  Now imagine, I have builders re-laminating the dinning room floor, and I have tilers in the bathroom and I get that feeling.... you know... the one where your stomach starts cramping cos hells bells, its having its own little party there.... I KNOW I cant ask the tiler to leave the bathroom cos I KNOW its a big bad one.  They never smell but its gonna cos it need to embarrass you.  And its gonna be loud cos there are loads of people working in your house.  No dear, you then have to ask your neighbours son, screaming, shouting for him to open the door so that you have access to a loo..... Only because you cant use your own.  Ya, what a bloody ordeal with the Chinese diet pills.  YOU can ALL lose weight on it.... just eat something fatty and make sure there is no loo.  It sure as shit will work for you.  

I am back to looking for a sponsor for some lapband for me..... seriously people... this is SHIT!!!!!

Enjoy your day further and hopefully you all have access to a toilet....

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Poor Poncho

Holy shit, its been forever since I have last blogged.  A lot has happened since then.  Many friends have fallen pregnant, some friends have dissappeard some have reappeared and well... some friends just stay the same.

Our house however has gone through some serious changes.  Had solar heating put in for that massive massive Olympic pool I built myself.. Yeah, the problem is now though that on hot days, the pool is so damn hot and yet on overcast days, the pool is cool.. WTF.  I need lessons here people.  Dont be mistaken I am NOT grumbling, I am loving the fact that I can now stay in the water for 8 hours and wrinkle up and its not cold.  Yes please. I do recall birthday parties et al where I have been sent back to the pool due to *limp legs*? perhaps, who knows but ya, it was crazy dont know how the solar heating is going to contribute to this now.

I called the insurance as I was sure the toilet was leaking and they sent out a plumber and whala,.... there was a leak but it was in the wall.  This was my opportunity to have the shower moved etc, but you all know the Rattex Queen.  Things HAVE TO stay her way till after its all been done and fixed and then she will say.  You know Debbie, they should have....blah blah blah.  Anyway, I made SMALL changes to the bathroom and she was happy.  The tilers came in yesterday to take all the tiles off the wall and do whatever else.  After they left, things looked normal.  When I woke up this morning, the shower and the taps that had been moved, were laying on the ground in the shower.  OMG... what the hell?  Had to phone the plumber again so I will see him in a bit.

Now about my darlin lil Poncho that was raped by Ryk Neetling the cat, aka Hulk the fucken horrible after he became a pain in the arse eventually.  Poncho has gone to have her lady bits sorted so that she wont slut around with that dreadful cat that wants to piss all over my house.  When Toya and Rattex Queen were catching Poncho and putting her in the box, I walked away.  I dont want Poncho to be pissed at me.  She is my guard cat after all.  Anyway, when I took Toya to the bus stop with Poncho in the box  I spoke quietly to Toya and in Afrikaans so that Poncho would not recognize my voice and just be mad at Rattex and Toya.  I am hoping it worked.  Will see Poncho tomorrow and give her loads of love and hope and pray its not me that she is gonna take her pissed off mood out on.

And a solid whoop cos Jan is coming to SA and arriving the day before my birthday.  SO damn happy about that I tell ya.  So very very happy..... Oooooh and she is taking the Rattex Queen to Gansbaai and to Port Elizabeth for a short while.