Tuesday, 21 February 2012

diet? What the hell

Wonderful!!!!!  A friend and I are on these Chinese diet pills. I thought Karen was crazy to go on these but hey, who are we to say anything, anyhow, I voluntarily went on this with her.  A journey together of losing weight.  A lot of weight.  A hellova lot of weight or so we thought. And of course BONUS, there are 2 of us doing it and we are both gonna be thin, cos you know..... DIET PILLS WORK, that's why everyone is thin...Anyway, someone always knows someone that's been on a particular diet pill and of course that person has lost LOADS of weight, so why would it be different for Karen and I.

After being on them for 3 weeks I was of the opinion that it was not/is not working......however my dear friends and frenemies and all who have been on any and every diet in the book,  after 3 weeks I finally noticed something.  

Before I carry on with the story though, I would like to fill you in on the fact that my bathroom is out of bounds.  It has been since last week Tuesday.  A leak was found in the bathroom so we had to get the builders in and while they were at it, we had the plumbers in and are in the process of a bit of renovations.  Its been fun showering at the neighbour whose shower was funky in as much as the water runs down in a circle, whereas you stand in the middle of the shower you get bugger all buddy.  You gotta run around to get the water.  I am NOT complaining, it was wonderful that my Shane allowed us all to go and shower, it has just been so inconvenient for everyone, including Shanes' poor household that had to assist us all.  Yesterday the tilers came in to complete the tiling and of course, due to all the cement etc etc we were unable to use the toilet as well last night.  ERGO NO BATHROOM period.  

While all this wonderful work is going on at the house, we are all excited and of course I am taking my fucken fantastic Chinese diet pills...... which at this stage (3 weeks) I was convinced was not working.   However, now that there is no bathroom, specially no toilet,  it finally dawned on me.... These Chinese pills make you run to the toilet when you know you cant.... I have realized that when you eat anything fatty, THEN and only then do the Chinese, wonderful, never worked for 3 fucken weeks pills, decide to work.  Now don't be mistaken here,  I have eaten fatty things in the past 3 weeks for heavens sake, who hasn't..... But its only last night that I had no access to a bloody toilet in my own home that the Chinese wonderful shitty pills decide to work.  You know, most women wont crap in their own loo if a man (even a husband, live in lover, boyfriend) is in the vicinity.  Now imagine, I have builders re-laminating the dinning room floor, and I have tilers in the bathroom and I get that feeling.... you know... the one where your stomach starts cramping cos hells bells, its having its own little party there.... I KNOW I cant ask the tiler to leave the bathroom cos I KNOW its a big bad one.  They never smell but its gonna cos it need to embarrass you.  And its gonna be loud cos there are loads of people working in your house.  No dear, you then have to ask your neighbours son, screaming, shouting for him to open the door so that you have access to a loo..... Only because you cant use your own.  Ya, what a bloody ordeal with the Chinese diet pills.  YOU can ALL lose weight on it.... just eat something fatty and make sure there is no loo.  It sure as shit will work for you.  

I am back to looking for a sponsor for some lapband for me..... seriously people... this is SHIT!!!!!

Enjoy your day further and hopefully you all have access to a toilet....

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