What a mission!!!

Good heavens.... I could not blog even if I tried for shits and giggles..  Damn that was horrible.  Google would not allow me to.  No no no its not cos it banned me or anything like that, it just would not happen.  What a mission cos I sure as shit missed blogging.

So, I had the most amazing week a couple of weeks ago, and not only that but I met some amazing people, oh and throw in a prick but ya, across the board, the people that I spent time with were awesome and some real friendships will develop out of it..  My actions though could cause embarrassment but baaaah, who hasnt had one of those.  It was embarrassing to say the least.  I sometimes can be rather sanctimonious.  Ooooh piss off we all have faults you know.... The only other thing I can say is that I probably threw my name away but arg you know, you can always go back and collect it...well sometimes you can!!!!!.But then again, we always imagine how things are going to turn out but then it never does.

I was so pissed off this last weekend at the Nationals.  Bless my cotton picking socks I tell ya.  I even came home semi-sober... YES!!!! You read right... SEMI SOBER!!! I was drinking in the afternoon and then I slowed down rapidly after a kak situation.  Anyway, I do believe in Karma and karma is going kick some arse.  Specially the dooses arse that stole my money out of my wallet.  No worries though, I dont stress over that cos I know if you do something wrong it comes back to you seven fold.  Go get em Karma!!!!

Aran had bike problems at the Nationals and so when it was qualifying time he had to start at the back of the grid.  On lap 1 he had moved up to 7th position and on lap 2, the bikes gearbox or clutch or something went.  All things happen for a reason....

Now about Zumba.  Doing Zumba is fucken awesome.  Its fun, sometimes... It even feels like bad sex on some days it hurts!!!.....Anyway, I never realized I had muscles in some of those places.  Shit man, I could hardly walk for about 2 days the 1st time I did it... It is actually getting better though.  Although I do miss class every once in a while, I would love to be motivated to go all the time but you know.... when a pork calls me, I bloody well eat it.... I am doing Zumba to get fit and to get my blood pressure back to normal.  When I see Bobby Skinstad on TV my blood pressure rises, so now one day when I meet him, I gotta be all slim and sexy not big and sexy (which is what I am right now ok!!!)  Ai man, I could ride him Sea Biscuit that one...

Oh the life, the life I tell you

Good day people.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have a bloody interesting life.  I was looking through some of my Facebook friends.  Yea buddy.... Its been quite an eye opener I tell you.  Firstly, when I was part owner of a strip club, I was the managing member and therefore at the club all the time.  In that time, I had many many offers for people to come and have swinger parties there.  I always refused as I really felt it was not really what we were about.  However, I did meet loads of the swingers and thought they were really nice people..  Anyhow,  they became Facebook friends to keep up with what was happening in the club etc.  After a while their friends became my friends and so the network grew.  Its been fascinating meeting some of these people on Facebook.... (I must add that I have not met em all in real life but do know P L E N T Y of em)....I think they have the funniest names ever and if you compare it to RuPauls drag race, I think the swingers win hands down with names game.

For example... us big chicks have ..... well lets just say VW bonnets ok.... so it stands to reason, that calling ourselves something like *cute bumz*  would be funny and sarcastic.  I have seen names like Priscilla Limbs, Cassie Longlegs and Fay Feathers,  then you get the Stoutgat Adoons and Volksie Bonnet... see see... how the hell does the Volksie bonnet fit in with the sexy names....  I think I should get myself a porn name.... but hell man my imagination just doesn't run that far, it gets kinda tired half way around the kitchen counter.. Anyway my point is... I want a sexy name as well dammit...

And since watching Rupauls drag race I have not seen a drag show for many many years.  Went with Rose who is one of the craziest women I have ever known, which made it all the more hysterical.  One of the drag artists walked me to the car, with his arm around me, and truth be told, he looked like a female and I felt like I was butch.. I am not at all I am a straight female but I didn't feel feminine next to the drag queen.  You have got to love em.... If anyone knows where in Cape Town I will be there like a bear with no hair I tell ya.

Oooh and as for the super bike races... Oh my word, Aran won the first race... I need to point out that he was racing on a 5 year old bike... YES 5 years old and whipping arse..  Thats my boy...

Now pissed off cos a nail just broke.... Must be cos of my quick hard strokes on the keyboard.  Oh damn.

Well have a great week ahead and I wish you all get a very nice and pleasant surprise during the course of the week.

Toodles for now people.

Long time eh....

Good heavens.... I am as confused as the bloody weather here I tell you.  I am super impressed that SAPS gave every homeowner in our complex a letter requesting a meeting with all of us due to crime.  Seems we have some nice stuff that other people want to appropriate.  My bicycle was stolen, hence me buying the eBike and now NO ONE has a bike like that so they cant still this shit....And most of my neighbours have been robbed.  There were gun shots in the churchyard... NEXT to the complex..  I am not living in the Cape Flats, just a simple complex with normal people.  We met with the police last night but they never issued us with weapons of mass destruction.  What is wrong here?  LOL  ok ok good heavens kidding....I recall the time the police came to raid my house due to an anonymous tip off saying its a brothel right, so last night, at the meeting, I asked the police, in front of ALL the neighbours....if they could please curb the crime in the complex as it brought my brothel to an abrupt halt.  I said customers stopped coming cos of the break ins to cars......The room gasped and then everyone laughed.  The police did say that I may not open a brothel now.. Damn them....

As for my new hair... the long blonde ones... I feel like I belong on RuPauls drag race..  I look proper drag queenish.....wait.. not quite there but getting there.  I dont know what happened.  The hair is getting less and less and so i need to decide to I really want long hair or do I want to let it just grow.  Fuckit... we all know that is not going to happen.  That is why I am where I am with my hair right now.  Its cos I cant stand it short so had extensions put in.  What a mission.  Never going to light a cigarette on the gas stove ever again... NEVER EVER.....

Janine is down from Jhb with her boyfriend and Irene is down for a week as well.  Seems like its party central at my place for the weekend as it is Janines birthday. Hell yea... Vodka time... and 60 seconds (our version established by Channy)...oh boy... bring on the hayfever... I am so ready.  And then of course my lil girl is coming to visit next week or the week thereafter.  And its the Rattex Queens birthday then, so ya... another party.  And here I have been elected as Chairman of the Home Owners Association in the complex and I am the one that has all the parties.  Bless them... I think before I wear the title though I am seriously considering passing it on.... My mouth is too big and I am too loud and I am capable of pissing people off. Ask my ex friend... he knows very well...

Dunno if I mentioned that I read 50 Shades of Grey and the 2 follow ups.  Oh my word.  LOVED the book now look at all men in a predatory way... sis on me.... I really do need to behave......

Ok this whips and chains bitch is saying toodles for now..... chat to you all soon.  Oh and if there are drunk tweets it will be my alter ego *naughty Natalie*. I will however try and hide the phone from her.....

Debbie does ...: Oh lala going all E on your arses

Debbie does ...: Oh lala going all E on your arses: So, its been a while eh.  Gee whizz quite a bit has happened.  I know I never spoke about the break in I had.  And what fun I had after.  Ok...

Oh lala going all E on your arses

So, its been a while eh.  Gee whizz quite a bit has happened.  I know I never spoke about the break in I had.  And what fun I had after.  Ok .. so about 2 weeks ago.... maybe 3..... don't shoot me for not having the right timeline for heavens sake, anyhow, some bloody bergie... and I KNOW it was a bergie cos as I moved my vehicle out of the garage, I saw 2 of the bergies and I know they saw my bike as they walked past the garage as I shut it while driving away.  I got home from work, pushed the button....the garage opens and the garage looks like its relieved of some of its contents.... Right off the bat I can see my bicycle is gone... I call the cops, phone the insurance get it all sorted.  I got paid out for my bicycle so I went and got myself an eBike.  Now this is a battery operated bike that has pedals.  This allows for you to ride the roads without a licence. OMG I look like a Bat outa Hell... Thanks Meatloaf.. pffffft... Anyway, I feel like a superstar riding my bike... trust me... everyone stares.... Not quite sure if they cant believe what they see.. this big arse and 2 wheels just going by so quietly... (oh not THAT quiet) it rattles a bit... or just that it looks like a fun thing to ride.  I see some people standing on the kerb watching and some walking by craning their necks to see me ride my bike.. I know they want it... ooh how they want it... they wanna appropriate it off me again.. Fuck them I say... I got me a motorbike lock for my bicycle... hows that.  Now I need to bling the thing out... wait... first paint it pink.. then bling it out... and then of course I simply have to get the Harley Davidson tassles....

On Saturday, I rode the eBike to Channy at Maniacs.  At Blouberg Road intersection, 2 big hairy bikers (and I call em hairy cos the fuckers laughed at me),were at the robot,  as the robot changed, I flicked my wrist and off the bike went.  The one biker SHOUTS to the other one right next to him.... and  I think for all of Table View to hear...."check out that ***HELP MY TRAP**** What the hell dude??? You DONT have to use pedal power to get this thing going.  Its a mere flick of the wrist to give it vooma.. I GLIDE past in front of them, smile, flip the finger and shout... "its not a Help my trap its an eBike".. and proceed to stop at Battery centre.  Oh shit.  Did I tell you it was my frist ride.  My stop, was an abrupt wobble.  Did those hairy fuckers laugh at me and honk their horns.... pffffft..... Anyway, I did not fall or anything... just wobbled a bit... like a kid learning to cycle... so what...anyway as far as I was concerned, there was no dismount there so it was good.  Must say... its been awesome riding this bike... Its my mode of transport from now on....

Anyway on Saturday night... I was suppose to go to a braai at Dawns place.  I cancelled as I was not looking that hot.  My eye was a bit faulty and one never goes out unless one looks sexy right.  As I was watching telly, I saw a blue light flash in my dinning room.  I got up to go look and saw the police van stop infront of my place.  I was like.. Oh my hat,... are they here to raid my brothel again... anyway... they just stood on idle for a while then left.  Right after they left, 3 armed response vehicles came in at a speed and I was like Whoah something is going down here.  I then saw them go to all the vehicles opposite and look into them.  I then realised we had some thieves pay my neighbours a visit.  They broke into the cars opposite us.  So, I called both neighbours whose cars were broken into, to get them outside to speak to the police (who had come back) with a thief locked in the back of the van and a young white girl, who was the driver of the getaway vehicle.  Do you believe this shit!!!. Of course, dear Shane went off on the chicks arse.  I must say I understand her getting pissed off but I saw them Police backing off.... I think they were worried that dear ole Shane was the mafiosa.....The mama Don... Teressa from Real housewives of Jersey have NOTHING on my Shane... NOTHING.

I need to say this though.  I am hugely impressed by the SAPS in Table View and Star armed response as they apprehended the crooks so damn fast they didnt even have time to get their hands on tic.  And they found the stolen goods in Shawns house.  NO BIG SURPRISE there I say.. Ooooh wait.. hahahahaha we all say that......

Well, thats a bit a drama for now..  chat to you all real soon...

Debbie does ...: Building a chest of drawers

Debbie does ...: Building a chest of drawers: Oh dear, oh dear, I am just about the cleverest chicken that I know..  Not only did I build my own pool with the assistance of 3 dronkies, I...

Building a chest of drawers

Oh dear, oh dear, I am just about the cleverest chicken that I know..  Not only did I build my own pool with the assistance of 3 dronkies, I have now established that I am bloody good... well sort of..... when it comes to carpentry.  I wonder if Extreme Makeover home edition would use me... I doubt it, cos their cupboards and whatever they build lasts.  I think only hurricanes and tornados damage those goods.

Right so here is the story.  A friend of mine bought me a chest of drawers to say thank you.  This came in kit form.  It even had pictures.  Looking at the pictures and all the little things I got with it, it was complicated to tell you the truth.  Now I am not saying I am the rocket scientist here and deciphered this shit, what I did however, was look for the simplest picture, which was the drawers..... Well now.... its easy to slip P 2 and P3 into P4 and then slide P7 under and then well OBVIOUSLY as per the picture, you add the front of the drawer with the handle on right... RIIIIIIIGHT!!!... SO I see the easy pics and follow the steps.  What I have not mentioned is that I was doing Step 16 out of 19 steps as it looked the easiest.  Bugger 1 - 15 ...will get there once I have done the easy.  Anyway, these drawers look good man... I am so bloody proud I have my mother and Nazek and Sasha admiring my handywork... (uhm probably took about 1 hour for 4 drawers)... Only to discover, that I did not use all the little bits and bobs that came with this project and was meant to hold the drawer together.. First time I pull on the handle of the drawer, still on my bed... BAM... it comes off in my hand... now the drawer is back to 3 sides.  I then decide to consult with the manual which is all in picture form, to assemble.  I mean for fucksakes how difficult can this be.  (smoke break here to gather thoughts) and back on the job.. I find the correct little thingys and insert where I should.  After the drawers are done... oh and I had to undo the drawers to put the runners on the sides.... (2 and a half hours into the project) ok so a couple of smoke breaks you know, coffee breaks ... etc etc....After assembling the drawers it was easy.  I actually should have done the manual cos really ... you do the easy bits first.... even if you do it and undo it cos something else had to be added.....

Finally...4 hours later, my chest of drawers is up... its standing up... its looking awesome.... Problem however..... I have 2 things in my hand that belongs on the chest of drawers.  Its skrews that need to be skrewed in somewhere.... and well it looks great and all but its terribly wobbly.  I am so damn scared to use the thing....its a wobble.... .. The point is... I did it... I put the damn thing together... kinda successfully too.  Very proud of myself but I am gonna need a man to skrew it for me... hahahaha.... true story.

So now its weekend and all I can do is admire what I have built.. but not use it as it might topple.  If anyone knows how to stabilize it... I need help... LOL...Have a great weekend you lot....